Ohmystinkinheck

In my expert opinion, I have determined if the U.S. Armed Forces were to draft all the 5 year olds in the nation, there wouldn’t be a war we couldn’t win. For those opposed to the armed forces and/or war, understand I am not SUGGESTING this as an actuality, I’m saying IF we could harness the will of a 5 year old we could do anything.

I have a 5 year old.

Correction, I have a 5 1/2 year old - we all know the 1/2 is integral until age 29. I’ve never heard a 29 year old correct anyone with a, “Well, actually I’m 29 1/2.”

My 5 year old, I am convinced, can move mountains; he cannot pick his clothes off the floor or shower alone, but he can move mountains (go figure).

Today we had to stay home from the pool as momma (me - in case you’re late in the game) was waiting for an important phone call. So, Kenny and Meredith decided to play outside with the hoses. They created their own water game - the goal was to get all concrete surfaces wet (dark) before the sun dried it up.

I know, brilliant game, no?

In order to do this, apparently, one must fill every possible pot/bucket/container in the garage with water and hoist it to the necessary place where it will be dumped. My recommendation to run around with the hose squirting the cement was met with “the look” - the one that says “Are you suggesting that our game is not the most terrific thing you’ve ever heard of? BE OFF WITH YOU and your boring, inadequate mind.”

I went to get my camera, because obviously this was gonna be interesting.

When I got back outside, Kenny had filled a pot with water and was attempting to pick it up, because anyone with half a brain (I have 1/4th a brain.) would know it needed to be on the other side of the driveway.

I asked him why he didn’t fill it up on the other side of the driveway instead - he said, “Because the hose won’t stretch that far.” I then asked him why he didn’t use the hose on THAT side of the house and he said, “That’s Meredith’s hose.”

Oh.

I’m pretty sure I heard “I think I can, I think I can…” And? He did.

Just a little further now… In Texas, it is a little “FARTHER”, but knowing I have an editor who keeps me on top of the spelling curve, I wanted to make sure to spell that right. :)

OOPS!

So he puts it down and loses a bit of water. I’m thinking good, it’ll lighten his load.

He’s thinking, FILL’R UP.

He fills it back up to the brim and goes after it again. Now mind you, when I said that 5 year olds could win a war, I NEVER SAID they’d make for good strategists.

Kenny is moving it along now - passing his sister who, no joke, is about to do the SAME EXACT THING.

Ready, set, “Huuuhuah”

It has been 5 minutes and we have moved 3 feet - making progress.

I just love this age - when their bodies are moving out of the baby fat stage into the lean and strong kid stage.

He’s getting a bit cocky now - not bending from the knees…trying to use his back; he might regret that later on (like in 50 years).

And there we are…right where he wanted it.

“I told you I could move it there Momma!”

Meredith runs to her bucket and simultaneous dumpage occurs.

Then, of course it all began again.

At one point one of them got the fine idea that pouring water into the large cardboard boxes might be fun. Of course, you know how long that lasted. Before going back inside I considered telling them the boxes would not hold water for long - that the water would soak through and they’d have a mess, but I figured learning firsthand is much better than being told “No” - and in this instance it was safe - so I let them at it.

After all, there was a 5 year old present.

*Ahem* - 5 1/2 year old present.

And I wasn’t ready to wage war.

18 Responses to “Where the water meets the road.”

1. karen

   It sounds a little like you were trying to impose logic on the actions of a five-and-a-half year old boy, which has me thinking. I’m SURE you’re wiser than that, and yet…

2. Jennifer

   I love how kids think. It’s hard to believe we all used to think and dream and create that way. And then sometimes we get all crusty and flumpy and let our creativity come out once in a blue moon. Here’s to pouring water in cardboard more often!

3. Annika

   I am totally 29 1/2. (Can I say that when my birthday is in four days? I mean, technically that is a lot more than half.)

4. bethany actually

   I’m laughing out loud at Karen’s comment. :-)

   Also, I grew up saying “farther” in Nebraska, too, so you’ll get no argument from me on that one!

5. LaurenC

   In reading this I have to remember that you guys are not in the middle of a drought like we are. Doing this and getting caught in most parts of Australia is asking for a big ass fine. I want to come and play at your place where I can turn on an actual hose.

   And yeah you are right. We don’t say ‘and a half’ once we reach the late twenties. In honesty I am 30 and 98/100ths. At a rough guess. My birthday is next week. But I have decided to remain 30, I like it, its a nice whole even number.

6. Stefani

   Oh gosh, that boys is positively edible ;-)
   And um so we’re clear, I’m still in that baby fat stage.

7. naomi

   boy took on the 1/2 the day after his birthday…

8. Lisa W.

   Actually, your first instinct was correct. Use “farther” when talking about a physical distance. Use “further” when talking about time or degree. Examples: I need to do further research on the matter. I drive farther than she does to get to the store. Ta-da!

9. Angela Tippets

   That is why I want to be a kindergarten teacher. I love that they have not yet learned logic. I love, Love, LOVE 5-year olds and how they think. I also love the picture of Kenny with the vein in his neck bulging out as he tries to lift.

10. Mr. OMSH

    I am 35.486972 years old this hour.

    And hey, Karen, you would be amazed at the logic we (episodically) witness coming from Kenny. I think he’s a genius, especially since he has OMSH blood in him.

11. SmockLady

    Well, I am 39 and not quite a half. I am totally looking forward to 40. My #5 is 4 and not quite a half. I love this stage: it’s totally about doing it himself. If he finally asks for help have mercy if we “help” more than the very exact thing he asked for. As he says, he “can handle it”.

12. Starwoodgal

    Oh my! I remember when my baby boy was that age. Trouble is brewing :) Kenny is so stinkin’ cute.

13. Lisa C

    I just LOVE reading your blog & all of the fun things that your children do! I am hoping that a sibling will be on the way sooner than later for our 4 year old daughter. Your kids seem to have so much fun together! :)

14. mike

    Would you LOOK at that boy’s dimples? Seriously, how can you resist his every request?!

    Excellent photo essay!

15. Claire in CA

    Could Kenny be any cuter? I just don’t think so. What a sweetie.

16. Carole

    Hello weedy one…do those kiddos of yours know how lucky they are to have you!?????!

17. Belinda

    Look at those muscles! (And we say that as “MUSS-kulls,” because it is funny. To us.)

    And wait a sec–I thought that “farther” was the correct word for actual measurement of distance (making the “Texas” way totally appropriate in this instance), as in, “We have a lot farther to move that pot of water, MOM,” and “further” applied to abstract thought and ideas, as in, “I told him he better quit while he was ahead, but he just had to push his luck a little further, so I walloped him upside the head with a dictionary.”

18. Heather

    Your son is adorable and my 4yo is incensed that he is wearing his bathing suit.
    I hope you are quickly recovering from your surgery. I had mine out in February and my quality of life has drastically improved. I didn’t have stones; it was apparently just ticked off and had been for years. Who knew?