Ohmystinkinheck

After last week’s weigh-in post I geared myself up for a ton of hate mail, but the overwhelming majority of you said, “Yep, that’s me too.” And wow, can I just say THANK YOU for listening and HEARING. Thank you for not taking it as a personal dig on you, because of course it wasn’t. It was just this eye opener - this “Aha!” moment that I didn’t/couldn’t let pass.

So, I figure after all that, I needed a “lighter” Monday. And besides, I AM LIGHTER this Monday. Everyone stand up and do a happy dance with me.

Today I weighed in at 248 lbs.!

“Watch it wiggle … see it jiggle!”

If you don’t jiggle like me, you might not enjoy that old Jello jingle as much as I do.

I meet with my personal trainer tomorrow morning (the earliest she could get me in) after I drop off the kids at school. I’ve already purchased a few pairs of light-weight knit capri workout pants and t-shirts and my shoes have been ready to kick it in for nearly a year now, so I’m good to go.

So, what will this post be about today? Well, I’m a bit exhausted thinking about childhood food obsession angst. There is only so many “stealing gummy bears or spoonfuls of Nestle Quick in the middle of the night” confessions I can make, so today let’s laugh a little. And when I say laugh, I’m assuming everyone here understands that if we don’t all just laugh about the things that frustrate us every once in a while that we’ll become all stodgy and boring and terribly, terribly mundane. Nothing is worse than being mundane - at least not much.

I want to encourage you to contribute in the comments. Let’s giggle by poking fun at ourselves. Whether you are 100+ lbs. overweight or you only have 5 to lose, you can still contribute something personal. But here’s the thing. TALK ABOUT YOU. No finger poking at that fat lady you saw in the mall with the ice cream and Diet Coke, okay? (That was me by the way —> “HI!”) Good. We know the rules.

Here we go. And a tad bit of hyperbole is okay - I’ll admit, I’m given to it at times. *ahem*

You know you need to lose weight when…

• … the inner thigh on your jeans wears out faster than the butt, the hem, or any other area.
• … you’re still wearing maternity clothes and your youngest baby is 4. (I like to think it is just because I REALLY LIKE THAT SKIRT, but … uh … it does fit after all.)
• … you have a perch for your coffee cup when you’re sitting on the couch and YOU ARE NOT pregnant.
• … you move your wedding band to your pinkie finger. (This can also happen if you eat more than 2 pickles in a day. Just sayin’).
• … an elementary age child tries to join you on the elevator and you tell them they’ll have to get off because the two of you will exceed the weight limit.
• … the only comfortable vehicle is a Suburban. Love my CAPTAIN CHAIR!

Your turn!

54 Responses to “Weighing In: Week 5”

1. chocolatechic

   You stole my inner thigh comment.

2. Emily R

   Oh, I always thought the inner thigh wore out first because that’s where they put the cheapest material. :{

   Little girl: When are you going to have your baby?
   me: I’m not, but I’ll never wear this dress again, thanks.

   They say nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but I wouldn’t know, and Heath bar frozen custard sundaes taste pretty amazing. Maybe I should have a skinny person try one and let me know which is better. Yeah, I’m still kind of in denial.

3. Emily

   Whoohoo! Way to go, Heather! I had a good weight loss week too, 2 more pounds not on my bod.

4. Kami

   You know you need to lose weight when your kids point to your stomach and say “My what a big belly you have.”

   Way to go Heather!

5. Cori!

   I lost three pounds earlier this week but I think that was due to not eating much of anything for two days. I love it when the germ factories…um, I mean school, is back in session. As soon as I started eating again, it all came back.

   You know you need to lose weight when:
   Your son wears your bra folded in half as a yarmulke while watching tv.
   Your daughter says she likes cuddling with you because you have a built-in pillow in your tummy.
   You consider buying a maternity swimsuit because the selection is so much better than what is in your size.

   Ugh! Time to lose weight!

6. Mim

   You know you need to lose weight when: you bend over and feel your underwear band roll down “under” your belly. It’s always a very shocking feeling.

7. Jenny from Chicago

   When you turn sideways in the mirror and the whole room disappears. UGH! Good for you and your weight loss. I’m a mess.

8. Shawna

   You know you need to lose weight when your 8-and-a-half-months-pregnant fitness competitor friend says “I can’t wait to have this baby. Can you believe my thighs rub together when I walk now? What a strange feeling.” Believe it? Um, yeah, I think I might have an idea of what it feels like and have had that whole thigh-rubbing thing going on for about 10 years now. . . and now I’m conscious of it every time I take a step. And eat a french fry. So nice talking to you, fitness competitor friend. Why don’t you just go have your baby and get back into bikini-wearing-on-stage shape in about 2 months and leave my thighs alone?

9. Heather B.

   When some (foreign, taxi driver) man asks you if you’re pregnant. The proper response is to glare and count out exact change then give him the finger.

10. Aileen

    I just want to say that I LOVE maternity clothes… even the pants with the panels in them. The shirts always make me look thinner…don’t ask me why. It seems to just camoflauge the belly better. Also…I have never had a pair of pants fit me as comfortably as the maternity ones. If I could get away with wearing those clothes well into my children’s teenage years, I would!! :)

11. Aileen

    Oh…and you know you may need to lose weight when wearing a red shirt… you are confused for the Kool Aid mascot. Oh yeah!

12. Jeana

    …when your jeans are so tight you have to lay down to zip them up. The same ones you used to call your “fat jeans”.

13. soapbox.SUPERSTAR

    How about when you are using your bra less to hold up your boobs and more to tuck that flap of back fat into - or as I like to call it, my “bat wings.”

    OR

    When you spend more time pulling your underwear UP in the front, then pulling it OUT in the back because it continues to roll down over your fat belly!

    …just sayin.

14. Mrs. Wilson

    … when the pants that you bought to be your “fat pants” when you were pregnant are now either your regular pants or are too small.

    … when your husband gets used to how big you are and thinks it’s funny to grab your roll(s).

    … when your belly is the same size as your friend’s belly - and she’s 5 months pregnant.

    I love your honesty. It makes me laugh. And yes, my favorite thing to do is laugh at myself. It makes me not take things so seriously. Laughter truly is the best medicine! (Too bad it wasn’t a way to lose weight!)

15. OMSH

    Bwahahaha! SEE!? This is very, very good stuff. Because of Cori! I had to go and find the definition of yarmulke, and then I could commence with the laughter. Y’all educate me daily.

16. Mrs. G.

    You know you’re overweight when you will only walk ass backwards in a bathing suit.

17. witchypoo

    You know you’re overweight when your belly sticks out farther than your boobies do.

18. So fat it hurts

    I went for a walk last week, trying to get some exercise. A carload of youths drove by, leaned out and shouted “you fat m***********”
    It HURT!

19. OMSH

    So fat it hurts - I could laugh at all of them, but this one. I’m so sorry. I always though kids were cruel, but I’ve learned some just don’t grow up. :(

    (((hugs)))

20. Anne

    I prefer the term big. You know you’re big when you sit in your teenager’s homeroom seat for a teacher conference, and the desk comes with you when you stand up. Yikes!
    I support you Heathaer and I’m working on mine.

21. lisa

    “Fridge pickers wear big knickers” is my motto. If you have to hide the parachute size undies on the clothesline then you know you are too big in your own mind.

22. mamaleone

    I don’t wear skirts in the summer or shorts. My thighs rub together and I get a “friction rash”. I’ve termed it “chub rub”.
    Your local Lane Bryant doesn’t carry clothes for that short AND that big.

23. mothergoosemouse

    Cheers to you, Heather!

    And here’s my modified version: You know you ought to get back on the bike when your child thinks it’s funny to pat your naked rear and marvel at how it moves.

24. bethany actually

    lisa and mamaleone, you made me laugh. :-)

25. seige

    Hi, OMSH!! I am a (former) lurker by way of Ree, but have decided to stay for a while. Now, my contribution:

    …you realize after you take your measurements that your hips are only 8″ less than your height!

    …your 4 yr. old neice tells you she thinks you ate too much Jell-O because your butt jiggles when you walk!

26. Suebob

    You know you need to lose weight when:

    -Your double chins have double chins.
    -You feel better when you look around a room of women and find AT LEAST ONE person who is bigger than you are
    -You can feel your back fat hanging down over your bra
    -Your pants keep, somehow, unzipping themselves

    Oh I could go on, but isn’t that enough?

27. celeste

    My kids think it’s hilarious to push my belly or my butt and say, “Fat belly, fat belly!” or “Fat butt, fat butt!”

    I ate a handful of M&Ms today. Then I ate another. And then another.

    And the ones that hurt…my husband isn’t turned on by me because I’m too fat for him (even though I’m only 165) and won’t have another baby until I reach my “target weight.”

28. Angella

    Congrats, you! I knew you could do it! You can do *everything* else.

    I am at a good weight now but used to be a “big girl”. I’ll draw from my personal “archives”.

    You know you’re a big girl when you are on crutches and kids tell you it’s because you’re too fat to carry your own weight.

    Nice.

    No wonder I was so uncomfortable in my own skin.

    But a funny one? From after having Graham?

    You know you need to lose weight when you stop moving and your butt cheeks don’t.

    :)

29. jamie

    Ooohh! I wanna play. I could go on for days, but I’ll limit myself for tonight:

    You know you need to lose weight when:

    1 - Because of the way your body looks, it’s impossible for people to wrap their brain around the fact that you’ve never had children.

    2 - You take your 4 year old niece to her preschool, make sure she’s settled in, lean down to kiss her goodbye and and as you walk out her little friend sitting across from her says - “whoa! your mama big!” Once again, dang it! I’m not DA MAMA!

    3 - After #2 happens, your sitting at your desk at work when your dad calls and you laughingly tell him what happened this morning and he responds “you shoulda turned around and told her to shut her little monkey mouth!” So I guess this one could be - “You know you need to lose weight when..” - your family is always having to take up for you, make you laugh, ect… over your weight.

    And just for the record - I can relate to every single one on the list probably - except you know, DA MAMA ONES! lol :-)

30. Steph

    Oh man. All the good ones are taken! So I’ll simply say, “Yes, exactly.” to all of them.

31. Shigeta

    Found you from seeing your OMSH mentioned in so many others bogs…
    -You know it’s bad when the 7 whole pounds I gained with my second left me at 196. She’ almost 5 and I’m at 215
    -Went to the doctor to discuss what I think are panic attacks and he was more concerned at “all the weight you have gained…”
    -I was soooo vain and used to say, “I am voluptous.” Now that my elbows are lost in the fat from my upper arms-I can no longer claim vanity
    -BUT SERIOUSLY, once I was no longer able to wear a comfortable lrg Victoria Secret Hi-Rise Brief in all the pretty colors, THIS is when I knew.

32. jenn

    Oh man I can relate to all of these. And I have several myself. The one i laughed so hard at was the underwear rolling under your belly, happens all the time sista!

    your scared to sit in a folding lawn chair.

    … your socks get stretched out because your legs are too big

    …your arms are like wings flapping in the wind, that could carry you away if they wanted to, only your too heavy.

    …your son asks if you want fries with that shake ( sorry son, thats not shake, its the jiggle)

    …your watch is constantly too tight

    …you cant wear a ankle bracelet.

    …you start buying mens shirts because they fit better.

    …you go pull up at the drive thru window after ordering food for the family and the girl looks at you as if its all for you.

    and i can especially relate to the while wearing out the inside of the jeans.. nice rubbin thighs

33. ValleyGirl

    These are just too funny! I’m not nearly this witty, so I’m just sitting here laughing. (Hey, can I count this as 5 minutes of physical activity?!)

34. OMSH

    This morning I laughed until I cried. My kids honestly think I’m losing it. I had to stop drinking my coffee for fear of spitting it out on the monitor.

    All in good fun.
    So therapeutic to laugh, thank you - thank you so much!

35. Liz C

    My son was helping fold clothes when he was about four. He picked up the corner of my undies and said, “Mama, where do the blankets go?”

    DH reached over in the dark to pat some portion of me with fondness, groped around a bit, and finally said, “Don’t take this wrong, but what bit IS this?” (Bra fat, honey.)

    Explaining to DH that bra fat covers bones, with very little muscle tone, and yes, tickling my bra fat actually does hurt, and yes, I get bruises. (He did stop.)

    Calling up the bike shop and asking if they carry Fat Girl Seats. Not just “wide saddles”–but true Fat Girl Seats. John Deere Padded Tractor Seats I can mount on my bike. There’s NO muscle there… even wide saddles leave bruises, and the best way to build that muscle tone without damaging my knees is to ride a bike, but riding a bike HURTS and leaves bruises if you don’t have a Fat Girl Seat. (Bless the man, once we both stopped giggling, he hunted up a source for 15″ wide saddles with squongey padding.)

    Discovering that while thong undies in MY Size are truly, truly terrifying, at least it may be slightly more comfortable to have a narrow strap stuck there, than a whole hind-parts-full swath jammed into the same space.

    And OH, I relate on the undies rolling down/under problem. SUCH an insecure feeling! And how exactly does one discretely fix that? Yikes!

36. molly

    Ok, so I’m clearly not the only one with the inner thigh thing. Frankly, just that makes me feel better. Thanks everyone for a good laugh! I’m heading to weigh in at 5:30pm. I might need it!

37. Heidi

    My girls like to tickle my back so they will sit behind me and lift up my shirt. My 4 year old has taken to patting my love handle fat and telling her sister “this is mama’s fat, she doesn’t like it touched”

38. OMSH

    jenn - No joke - this–> “your scared to sit in a folding lawn chair.” is why I ALWAYS bring my own chair to soccer games.

    One day I’ll be healthy and lean and I’ll be able to sit IN ANY STINKIN’ CHAIR WITHOUT CONCERN!

39. Jess

    Hee Hee. You all are so funny. I’ve been lurking around here too via Ree. You have such a fun sense of humor, and thanks for your words a few days ago about your weight. I’ll be sticking around for more.

40. Jenn

    hmm I thought of another one tonight.. while i was “crossing my legs” have you ever noticed when your heavy, your legs dont actually cross.. ill see a skinny or i should say healthy person sitting with their legs crossed and the leg goes all the way down, while mine is just kinda plopped up on the other leg. and yes, i take my own dang chair to the baseball and football games as well LOL. also ever notice how a normal towel doesnt fit around ya. why should we pay more dangit for a larger towel, we need to dry off too!

41. OMSH

    Jenn - OH! The leg cross! YES! I can always tell if I’m losing weight when my legs don’t cross like a man’s anymore.

    AND? The towel!!!! GAH! That is so aggravating. I just gave up on it a long time ago and put my makeup on naked, in all my rollin’ glory. :)

42. Farmgirl

    When I sit at the computer one of my legs gets tucked under the other with my foot hooked behind my knee. My leg is asleep in no time….I don’t remember that happening before. It’s just too much in a constricted spot I guess….something inevitably goes numb.

    AND when I turn sideways in the mirror my ass actually doesn’t look all that horrible, there’s a shelf, and alot of cottage cheese texture. BUT….. then I realized that you have to DOUBLE that because there is a whole other ass cheek that I can’t even see! UGH!!!!!!

43. Geri

    You know you’re big and need to lose quite a few when:

    - The ladies in the Nordstrom Encore section know you.

    - MBB (More Belly than Boobs)

    - When you get winded walking uphill, or going up two flights of stairs.

    - Your KNEES HURT.

    - Your bra is size DDD

44. Geri

    Wait, don’t forget . . .

    - If you MUST HAVE baby powder just about everywhere to avoid sweating, sticking, rashing

45. KYouell

    Ooh. I like Shawna (#8)! Snark, snark, tee, hee.

    You know you need to lose weight when that stupid numb blob of belly fat above your c-section scar keeps closing the detergent drawer on your front loading washer when you reach for the detergent. I can’t even feel it happening, I just hear the click. Argggh!

46. Tiffany

    You know you need to lose weight when:

    It is time to renew your drivers license and you do it by mail because you are much larger than you were 5 years ago and you want to keep your same picture of thinner days. Like I’m really fooling anyone!

    Your kids see a picture of you from just a few years ago and they ask “who is that?”

    When your bath towels no longer wrap all the way around, now there is a gap! ;(

47. OMSH

    Tiffany - You TOTALLY GOT ME with the driver’s license picture. Bwahahahaha!

    You know you need to lose weight when you go to cut the tags out of your clothing so no one will know your size and then curse the clothing industry for PRINTING IT ON THE INSIDE of the shirt. GAH!

48. bethany actually

    You know you need to lose weight when you are thankful for your AZ driver’s license that doesn’t expire till you’re 65, so you can keep the same weight on it as long as you don’t get any moving violations!

49. OMSH

    bethany actually - Peeeshaw … you KNOW you need to lose weight when YOU ARE the moving violation!

50. Shawna

    Something just happened to me that made me think of this post and come back to it. You know you need to lose weight when . . .you’re creating your Yahoo avatar, and they have the option for a plus-size person. And it’s STILL not big enough! Why do they have plus-size avatars anyhow? Those Yahoo people are cruel, cruel I tell you!

51. OMSH

    Shawna - The Plus-Size avatars are probably as ridiculous as the Plus-Size digital woman at Land’s End or the Plus-Size (sz 14) tall, and belly free, women mannequins at Lane Bryant.

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53. Angel

    LOL I was going to use the “using stomach as perch” one.

    Ok….how about when you’re trying on shorts in Walmart, and they don’t fit. Your 5 yr old son asks why aren’t you getting them–you say they don’t fit–and he says LOUDLY “Is that because you are so fluffy????”

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