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Weighing In: Week 4 - Facing the Facts
09-10-2007 · 91 Comments
I did not lose or gain this week. Why? Hmmm… Because I’m not doing enough about it, that’s what.
I am, in essence, rebelling against my own will to get healthier. I am sabotaging myself. I am being lazy. I am working long hours. I am imbalanced. I am sick. Any of those might fit the occasion. You know what I’ve figured out is the biggest “reason” I’m not losing weight though?
I’m a brat and I’m selfish.
I want what I want, when I want it - which is usually NOW.
I’m seeing that there is a huge amount of selfishness in being obese. I am using the word obese, because when one is 80 to 100 lbs. overweight to NOT use the word obese is like staring at a fish and calling it a horse.
If you are 80 to 100 lbs. overweight, you too are obese. And most likely, you too are selfish.
Understandably there are MEDICAL CONDITIONS that do exist that require me to say there are exceptionsto my broad, sweeping statement, but FOR THE MOST PART the only medical condition most of us overweighters have is selfish-itus. If you’d prefer a more PC label, you can use “morbidly obese” but I personally think that sounds like I’m already dead. I’m not already dead - I’m just a heart attack waiting for the right moment. There’s also “severely obese” - my body shape and fat make-up falls more into that category.
Before you start sending me hate mail, think about it. I’m talkin about ME FIRST. I am obese, therefore I can talk about this subject. If I was skinny - then you could slam me, but I’m not.
If you, like me, have managed to find an amazing man to love, marry and bear children with, you are being selfish by being obese. If you, like me, have children who love and depend on you, you are being selfish by being obese. If you, like me, have immediate and extended family that loves you, you are selfish for being obese.
It is selfish. It is choosing sugar in my coffee over the possibility of seeing my grandchildren. It is choosing “just one more bite” over being able to have monkey sex with my husband (you can’t erotically swing from chandeliers if you are obese). It is choosing ROUTE 44 SONIC CHERRY COKES over being able to participate in your child’s Fun Run, Jump Rope for Heart, Turkey Trot, Track ‘n Field.
IT IS CHOOSING YOURSELF OVER EVERYTHING ELSE.
*deep sigh*
Revelations hurt, do they not? They are both painful to absorb and painful to consider changing.
I’ve lived this way my whole life. I’ve managed through some pretty heavy stressors with the help of food. It has been there when I’m crying. It has been there when I’m laughing. It has been there when I’m alone. It has been there when I was far from home. It has been there as I mourn. It has been there when I’m bored. I could eat it in a box, I could eat it with a fox … oh wait … that’s Dr.Seuss. ANYWAY…
Today I went to our local gym where thin people walk around in stretchy spandex, and unlike at Wal*fart, they look good. I was totally and completely intimidated. I asked for, and received, very agreeable rates. I’m going to join. I’m going to go. I’m going to work with a personal trainer to develop a routine that I can manage.
I want to pee myself I’m so scared.
But? This will not beat me.
IT WILL NOT BEAT ME.
Because if it beats me? It beats my husband, my kids, my parents, my extended family, my friends …
Winner takes all.
I disagree! Well, not completely of course because you are my friend and I get your point. BUT my point is: I’ve watched my mom battle with obesity all my life. I’ve watched her eat salad while the rest of us eat pizza. I’ve watched her sadness when she stepped on the scale and gained three pounds.
Sometimes your body just does what it does and it takes more power than any skinny person could even dream of to change that.
I know you have to do what you have to do. AND YOU WILL! Because you are strong like that. But I just want to send loving hugs to the obese women out there who do do everything right and still can’t lose. I don’t think it’s always about selfishness. Sometimes our bodies just want to stay the same.
And because you are my friend, I totally expect you to put me in my place for disagreeing with you. Did I spell that right? Dissagreeing or disagreeing. I’m not obese (yet) and I probably don’t even have the right to even join in this discussion. I don’t know… I just thought of my mom and it was hard to swallow thinking of her as selfish.
xoxo
Oh saj I want to agree, I do. I’m learning more and more about my body and its reaction to food though and I think that many of us obese/overweight women have gained and gained because we aren’t aware of food and how our bodies respond to food.
Eating salads would make me gain too - because later, when I was really hungry I’d end up eating something more satisfying.
And diets make me fat. Oh how I’m learning that.
I think we’ve been programmed wrong, but I’m looking at my personal life habits and I KNOW there is an answer out there and I haven’t chased it down hard enough. I’ve given in to my desires to have what I want when I want it.
So many of us are closet eaters. You’d be surprised at how many of us consume most of our calories out of the eyes of thin onlookers.
I’ve talked to women who say “I just can’t lose weight.” And when we’ve talked long enough their bad habits, along with mine, were revealed.
I’m sure MANY will not agree with me. MANY. I just felt the need to be straightforward with what I’ve seen of myself and others through the years.
You are kind. You are so very kind. xoxoxo
World, in forming your own opinion, here is some food for thought (no pun intended): Occam’s Razor
Dear Mr. OMSH: clicking on link… Um, What? Just kidding.
Everybody else: Now that I think about it my mom has changed her diet significantly (no more carbs ever) and it is working. You are right, everybody has to learn what their body needs in order to change. I guess I just wanted to stick up for how hard it really really is. Duh. As if you didn’t already know that.
Thank you for still loving me.
Mr. OMSH - I would expect nothing less from you, the psychotherapist, than THAT link. And also? Because I’m your wife and love and adore your great geeky mind, I read it all and “get” what you’re saying. *smmoooooch*
saj - Yes, and yes. Thank you.
I LOVE openness and honesty that flows from your blog. I agree with you completely. I’m not totally obese or anything, but I am overweight for my height and I eat what I want when I want - which is also usually NOW.
Losing weight takes SO MUCH self control to stop eating crap and self discipline to start exercising and eating right foods.
It’s the hardest thing in life to do, and kudos to you for joining a gym! I’ve never purposely lost weight in my life. You inspire me!
I totally agree with you. Because I’m a Christian, I also see my past over-eating behavior as sin, yes sin. Gluttony, to be exact. I tried many weight loss plans, Christian and otherwise - nothing worked. I looked at my kids and wondered if I’d see them get married…but I still over ate.
I’ve found what works, and I’m 30 pounds away from my goal. With God’s help, and a weight loss plan that makes sense and is liveable forever, I can be healthy and live a long life (unless I get hit by a bus crossing the street).
This is my verse to live by: “Therefore, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” I Cor 10:31.
Blessings to you on this journey!
Oh yea, and in your comment response to SAJ …. A CLOSET EATER AM I!!! (don’t tell the skinny people)
Way to go on joining the gym! I did that a few months ago, overcoming a nearly debilitating fear of the whole gym environment. I never feel like I can adequately explain to people just how terrified and uncomfortable the mere idea of the gym made me. I nearly hit the fetal position and cried when I went on an orientation visit. But I got a trainer and learned that I had the power to do this thing that used to scare me so much. So you go!
(And thanks for the reminder to get back to the gym… I haven’t been there in too long. Not from fear, just laziness and selfishness again. Drats!)
what a pretty picture! And thanks for all the help answering dot com questions for me the other day!
Wowie Kazowie, what an amazing post;it literally gave me goosebumps. I am stunned by your insight and honesty, and I have to agree with you. I have struggled with weight for the last ten years. I lost thirty pounds last year, but, at 5′4″ and 184 lbs., I still need to drop 40 more lbs. to be at a truly healthy weight. I am all about immediate gratification, and I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve justified eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia because I DESERVE it and because I’m going to start eating healthily TOMORROW. It’s always tomorrow, or Monday morning or after the Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Ground Hog’s Day. I recently had a health scare (not even related to being overweight), and it was a smack-to-the-head wake up call. I spent a couple of weeks thinking about how I would live differently if I didn’t have a life threatening illness–nothing like a little heart stopping, palpable fear to jolt your thinking. Four servings of mashed potatoes made with cream and a stick of butter are NOT as dear as being a healthy role model to my kids, being attractive to my husband or, simply, being alive, lively,frisky,vivacious–all the zesty verbs.
I think it’s so cool that you went and joined a gym. For me, the true reason I have not lost weight in the past is because I didn’t want to get off my ass and MOVE. I just plain did not want to, so, therefore, I whipped out every excuse in the book (genes, birthing babies, thyroid, middle age, busy schedule, my children’s needs, you name it)to avoid it, to avoid taking any responsibility for my own freakin’ health. I agree that balance is huge. It’s important for me to take the time to treat myself each day to something as simple as a long soak in a hot tub or a vase of sunflowers on my bedside table–a treat that is not food. I consciously try not to allow myself to get too hungry or too tired–that overwhelming place that leads me to the pantry over and over again. I’ve recently started training for a 5k–I highly recommend keeping a photo journal and buying yourself some kick ass Nikes.
OMSH, I’m rooting for you, girl, and I thank you for the thought provoking post.
Wow, um…I really hate what you wrote here. But, I completely agree that this is true for most obese people, including myself. I guess I’ve climbed up on my high horse and said “I’m not a selfish person. Look at all the time I give to my kids, my husband, my job, my house, yadda yadda.” But the more I give to them, the more I use food as “my” thing. Dammit, OMSH! You’ve made me think again. That always hurts.
I really appreciate what you have written here. It might sound harsh, but it’s also incredibly refreshing to read this!!! I wish you the absolute best of luck in your weight loss journey and know it will be stellar.
Okay, off topic (because I have to digest), but your hair looks totally cute with that barrette in your bangs like that.
I, too, am evaluating my stalled weight loss journey. Once upon a time, I lost 78 lbs and got down to my ww goal weight… but that was a few years and 90 pounds ago. It’s hard to see that sometimes you want food or comfort, or whatever more than you want to be there for your family. I struggle with that too. Right now, we’re trying for #2, which is a great excuse to not care about losing, because, after all, it’s dangerous to diet while you’re preggo. Even though I’m not, yet.
Hee hee.. the monkey sex comment made me crack up. Sometimes I secretly wonder if my skinny friends can get into all those funky positions, or if it’s just a pre-kid thing. :-)
The recovery ministry at our church has a Prisim group, which basically sees being obese as gluttony. That hurts, and it’s hard to face.
Hugs. You can do it. We can do it. And, don’t forget, we burn more calories than the skinny folks for doing the same amount of work because of our extra weight. A very, very small plus.
I was wondering what your weightloss game plan was, and I guess you have just posted about it.
There are days when I absolutely hate doing some of the things required for me to accomplish my goals, so I just keep at it and yell at the top of my lungs, “I ABSOLUTELY HATE THIS RIGHT NOW, BUT I’M GOING TO KEEP DOING IT ANYWAY”.
I scared a little old lady at the high school track this morning doing that.
;)
oh and by the way, you and your hair look fabulous.
First off, that photo! SO pretty!
Secondly, I think you’re dead-on here, but I also think you’re missing something. You have to be EVEN MORE selfish to lose the weight. You have to value yourself first, above everyone else. Your health has to be the priority.
I think what you’re doing here is awesome.
XO
You go, girl! I hate exercise - even hockey practice - with a raging passion right before I do it…and even the first 15 or 20 minutes of actually doing it…but every time I push through, I’m glad of it because it feels good in the end. You are strong! Don’t let that gym scare you. And if anyone gives you a funny look, imagine sitting on them - then who’d be all smug and superior?
Mrs. Wilson - Thank you. As you can see by my late Monday post, this was a hard one to write. It has been hard for me to digest. I haven’t “seen” myself this way, but I’m really focused on this these days and when the reality of what I’ve been doing smacks me across the face, I can’t help but put it down for others to evaluate along with me.
Claire in CA - As a Christian as well, I couldn’t agree with you more. I’ve sort of been junkin’ up “the tabernacle” for some time now. Good verse for the journey. :)
Jennifer/The Word Cellar - The gym … what’s the word? Um? Well, it puts me in my place. It shows me how far I’ve gone from healthy. So, it is both painful to be there in a physical sense, and painful to be there in an emotional/logical sense.
I get what you’re saying about being terrified. I walked up to the door of the gym with my stomach in my throat.
carrie - Thank you and you’re welcome. :)
Mrs. G. - I don’t know how many times food has been my ultimate “reward” - something I “deserved” after a long, hard day. Or even after a short, easy day … or a medium, somewhat unproductive day. :)
And the diet? ALWAYS STARTS TOMORROW. Yes, yes and yes again. My husband once told me if I was really serious I’d start RIGHT NOW. Um … hahahahaha … but then there’s not time for a “last supper”.
Cori! - I knew this would be a hard entry to write and for others to read. I do expect a bit of venom from it. But bottom line, I have read over and over and over and over again the words “I’ve done everything I can and NOTHING works for me.” I want to say, “No, you’re probably like me and have tried everything you know until you grow weary of it and then decide to quit b/c it is too hard.”
Because THIS? THIS IS SO HARD.
Claudia - Thanks for the support. *smoooch*
Melissa - HEY! We finally have something up on those skinny folks other than an add’l layer in the winter? FABULOUS! Good luck to you too momma!
C - I love that you scream out your frustration. Bwahahaha - at the track, in front of others. Way to tackle it straight on. I might have to roar off at the gym sometime just to see if anyone is awake! HA!
Amanda - You know, I’m not sure that yu have to be more selfish to lose weight. I’m looking at it a tad differently, though I certainly don’t expect to be agreed with on every point.
I believe when we finally give ourselves over to the fact that we truly aren’t our own, but part of a greater whole, we can look at it as a means of service to the people we love in our life.
karen - I will sit on them, boy howdy. I should take my camera in case there is a blog fodder moment. Bwahahahaha
Thanks to you all for the compliments on the photo. I like this photo, but you know what? I don’t really look like this. I have cheekbones and my face is not as round. You’ll see … I promise.
You can do it. You deserve it. The way I look at it is that often when we work long hours and do a million things, we don’t actually take care of ourselves. It’s a wierd kind of selfishness, like a look at me suffer for you kind of thing. My advice is to remember that you got to take care of your personal growth to be there for everyone else. It’s not selfish to do what is necessary to take care of yourself. The whole your body is a temple thing.
And my other advice is to change slowly - one thing at a time. It took a lifetime to develop the bad habits, so it will take a while to undo them. Be patient with yourself.
I’m rooting for you and your family.
First of all, I changed from Blogger to Wordpress, thanks to your advice, I really do like wordpress better! Thanks for the help with it.
Second, I’m not overweight, but I do smoke like a chimeny. I have been trying to quit for 3 months now. The way you put every word in this post made me feel like I’m being very selfish about smoking. I don’t have a weight problem because I smoke instead of eating. The effects on my kids, my hubby, my family are just as devastating. Thanks for turning the lightbulb on about selfhishness!
“If you, like me, have managed to find an amazing man to love, marry and bear children with, you are being selfish by being obese. If you, like me, have children who love and depend on you, you are being selfish by being obese. If you, like me, have immediate and extended family that loves you, you are selfish for being obese.”
Thank you for saying this. I needed that.
Your journey is helping me. Baby steps towards life changes. Change one habit, you’ll be more likely to change another one. Myself - I joined a county-sponsored exercise class. I figured if I threw a few bucks at the fitness issue, I would be more motivated to “clean it up” in other related areas (i.e. not so many beers, those calories add up; get out of bed and WALK every morning). I’m not trying to be a saint, just improve my health and hopefully, fit into my clothes better. I’m there with you sunshine!
I’m sending you an article that I found this weekend in the Sept. Good Housekeeping. It takes the opposite position - that you gain weight when you don’t consider your own real needs. When you take care of your family first always, work nonstop for 10 hours and never slow down long enough to take care of your needs because something bad might happen if you don’t keep the world going for everyone else, then food fills the void in your life. You feed your body rather than your soul. Something to think about - it’s in the mail. Also . . . your body will resist your efforts to lose weight whether it’s 5 pounds or 50. It’s conditioned that way. You just have to fight harder to lose than your body fights to resist the loss. Sending you big hugs.
“If you, like me, have immediate and extended family that loves you, you are selfish for being obese”
According to the scale, I am obese. According to your post, I am selfish. No one has ever put it that way to me before. Thank you. I am ending what could easily become the longest comment in the world so that I can go check out rates at the local gym.
I just started reading your blog, and I am in the same big fat boat as you are. Your journey is helping me too. I found what helps me get through lots of things I don’t want to do is to pretend I am the person I want to be. So when I need to eat healthier, I pretend to be a skinny waifish person. “Chocolate cake for me? No, I can’t eat chocolate. It disagrees with me.” I think, what would a skinny person say?
Also, planning helps me. I know I’m going to have a busy day driving around in the car, so I’ll pack a little cooler with an apple, a fat free smoothie, a 100 calorie bag of pretzels, etc. and try to do that the night before.
I’ve been good for two weeks, but the exercise thing and going to the gym. I need to pretend I am an athlete.
Good luck on your journey! You are not alone.
Love the hair in that picture up there.
As someone who is overweight and has a best friend who is, technically-obese…I wish I could find a nice way (not to hurt her feelings) and have her read this post. It really struck a big cord in me…I worry about my own health and am slowly losing weight. But my friend? I worry about her heart and diabetes…I’m rambling here :) Thanks for these words, hurtful or not, they ring true.
This is good stuff. Thanks for sharing so much of what’s going on internally as you engage in this battle. It’s not the numbers (pounds, inches) that really matters anyway… it’s this head stuff that has to be solved as we go. You’re doing great!
[...] This will not beat me. IT WILL NOT BEAT ME. [...]
Just another stranger on the internet, but wanted to tell ya that I’m really PROUD of ya!
I’ll be rooting for you!! You go girl!
thank you … you have struck such an honesty chord in this post which has resonated in my heart! I am in a similar spot (but am 6′ tall, so while I haven’t hit obese, yet, it is coming quickly!!) The comfort of knowing that there are others who have the same feelings is an amazing relief after 2 years of beating oneself up.
Good luck to you and I will be checking in to see your amazing advances! (1/4 pound is an amazing advance … as is NOT GAINING THIS WEEK!!)
1. I love ya!
2. Your hair is amazing in this pic! Super cute!
3. I’ve struggled with my weight since being on Paxil, and laziness keeps me from getting the rest of the weight off. I want it off. I’ve struggled, and I know HOW to do it. But…..stupid little idiotic reason keep me from doing ALL of the things that I know work.
Bossy thinks the whole point is not lost: it’s never healthy to let *anything* exert control over you.
You are preaching to the choir. I am sitting right there with you. It is very difficult to give up the things that you enjoy: my second cup of coffee, sweet tea, the champagne of the South and anything on the menu at the Crescent City Grill. French fries, did I mention my addiction to McDonald’s french fries.
Ack! Depression setting in now.
I think it is wonderful that you joined a gym. My sister did the same thing a year ago and now looks better than she did in high school, beautiful blonde, blue eyed brat. We do not have a gym here, less you count the Y, but I do own a treadmill. Alas it is covered with fabric and I’m using the arms to hang four newly finished dresses.
I’m going to cut and paste some of your comments about the selfish me to hang on my fridge. It really drove home a point I made to someone else about smoking and not being there for their kids. Sometimes I should listen to my own arguments and realize they apply to me. Selfish me. I’m pouring out my second cup of coffee and opting for water.
First of all, gorgeous picture.
Secondly, you’ve inspired me. Weight Watchers is offering a “no registration fee” promotion in my area, and my girlfriend and I have decided to join together. I tried and failed before, but this time we are promising to do it together and support each other. You’re right about being selfish and I needed to hear that. It’s time for me to really commit and not just talk about it.
Now, THIS is an exciting post. Sounds just like I did before I dug in and went from a size 14 down to a size six… And kept it off. :) GO!!!
Ouch.
But you are SO RIGHT ON. My excess weight is due to the very carnal sins of selfishness and laziness–not getting the physical movement my “temple” deserves and is designed for.
We’ll add a baby near Christmas, so it’s not the time to start a huge workout routine–but it IS time to get some daily sweating with yoga and just rocking out to good 80s music with my kids. I’ve been in the “all or nothing” trap for 12 years… and nowhere in my faith does it say I’m supposed to be that way. I’m supposed to be working daily to improve, and that means physically as well as spiritually.
My mom has a list of “Reasons Why I Don’t Want To Be a Fat Lady Anymore”–and I want to fix my own list to read “Why I’m NOT a Fat Lady Anymore.”
I’m not going to track weight closely until after the baby arrives, but I’ve been reading your blog awhile now, and I’ll commit to overcoming my sin of laziness and selfishness starting NOW… stretching and “boogy dance” won’t get rid of the 90 pounds before Christmas, but it will be a start, and a better habit, and if you can do it, I can do it.
And I adore your hair. It’s gorgeous.
This spoke to me. I am selfish. Bossy said that “it’s never healthy to let *anything* exert control over you”. I have done the opposite by beating myself up with the healthy end of things, taking it to an unhealthy level. I have been the recipient of much bashing due to my size lately, and it hurts, thus I don’t want to say too much. I’m not mentally prepared for that. Just know that I love you and your honesty helps me considerably.
This is an incredible post, OMSH. Being this honest with yourself can only lead to great success in the future. I’m behind you all the way!
I *heart* the poster who said that they yell out I HATE THIS BUT I’M DOING IT ANYWAY! omg I need to hear that- I need to do it. I am doing the weight loss thing and learning a lot. But I basically refuse to exercise. And I know it is stupid, and I know that it would help me so much (including mental health-wise).
I think the greater area that your post relates to, for me, is my own mental health. I *know* what I need to do to feel better, but I don’t actually do it. For some reason there is a payoff for me in not taking my best care of my self- maybe so I can say how overwhelmed I am? I don’t know. But you are right, it is selfish.
So tonight, I will say I DON’T WANT TO GO TO BED AT 10:30, BUT I WILL BECAUSE IT IS BEST FOR ME.
Have you thought of joining Overeaters Anonymous? It sounds like some strong support from people who have been there/are there would do you good. (It would do me good, too, but so far I have been too chicken to go).
OMSH This was an awesome post…and I was wondering, does your husband call you World? If he does, that is adorable. Congrats on joining the gym!
First of all… I want to say your picture looks beautiful. I don’t see an obese, smelly, brat. I see a beautiful, lovely lady.
That said, it’s good that you joined a gym. After my first, I joined Curves. I liked it because I have the attention span of a gnat…only able to do each machine twice appealed to me… and I was surrounded by fossils that made me feel young and thin.
Good for you for taking a step towards better health. That first step is always the hardest to take. I am insulin resistant so I eat like a diabetic… which is I still eat what I want…but smaller portions and making better choices. If you want copies of some of the handouts they gave me…let me know.
you completely rock. with every “aha” moment you have, you’re getting closer. closer to what? to an even better you no matter what size your jeans are.
This was a wonderful inspiring post. I’m not trying to lose weight but the same principal applies to almost any addiction one might have (for me, overspending). I AM being selfish by spending too much. It leads to arguements between my dh and I and is leading to financial problems for our family. This post has inspired me (once again) to do better.
WTG on joining a gym. And FYI, even those of us who are “thin” are intimidated when we first start at a new gym. But give it a week or two and you’ll feel like one of the regulars and believe me, everyone will be rooting for you. There are a few people I have seen at my gym who have made huge transformations over the past year or two and everyone is so supportive of them, even at the beginning when they were heavy and didn’t know what they were doing. Hiring a trainer is a great way to start, learn what to do and do it right (so as not to hurt yourself).
One last thing, loved the pic. I finally think growing out your hair was a good idea (up until now I always voted for you to go ahead and chop it all off).
Wow, I have never considered weight loss in this manner before. But I think you right and I applaud your honesty and candidness.
:-)
You are right… and I need to take proof reading lessons. Oy.
this is so good…& you are right…absolutely right…i could have written this (but with more spelling mistakes & fewer capital letters)…thank you for an eye opener & a kick in the butt…you can do it! i can’t wait to see you do it!:)
I’m slowly responding to you guys not because I feel I have to, but because I really feel a NEED to. I’m overwhelmed by the responses. I was away all day to purchase for my swap in a nearby town and came home to quite a lot of responses. I have cried - oh how I have cried. I’ve laughed to. I know some of you truly, truly get me. For those that don’t, you care - you are sharing your love. Thank you.
Anne - “often when we work long hours and do a million things, we don’t actually take care of ourselves. It’s a wierd kind of selfishness, like a look at me suffer for you kind of thing.“ YES. It is called playing the part of the martyr and I am both sad and ashamed to say I’ve pulled that one out of my kazoo more than once.
Cathy G - I’m so glad to have another WordPress convert. I feel so spoiled to have this blogging platform FREE and yet, I can retain all the control and make all the changes I want. They say the best things aren’t free, but I beg to differ when it comes to blogging platforms!
Yes, I can see how this can easily apply to smoking. I “have” smoked, but I don’t “smoke”. It doesn’t appeal to me. My husband likes his smokes. They’ll appeal to him more than food. I’m the other way around. We all have our addictions. I think all of us could look and find more than one if we’re honest.
Leigh - You’re welcome. ((( hugs )))
Meg - It is true that Baby Steps do truly work. When Meredith was a babe she had a diaper rash we couldn’t solve. I researched and discovered she was allergic to the disposable diapers. We started using cloth diapers. That introduced an entire world of natural parenting choices. Within one year we made so many lifestyle choices that directly stemmed from that ONE decision. I believe this could truly be a life changer if I’ll stay the course.
Aunt Betty - I wonder though - if Jeff doesn’t care for me more than I do for him. He is truly the servant in our household. I do work - I work hard, but I can’t honestly take the position that I’m caring so hard for them that I’m not caring enough for myself. I AM filling a void. I have done that a LONG TIME with food. I’m not sure what that was “then” and what it is “now”. I just know I want it to change. I’ll be glad to read the article. And of course you are so amazing to always love on me and defend me to the end. My precious Aunt Betty. Love you.
Shawna - Don’t be surprised when everyone in spandex looks good. Y’know, even when I will ONE DAY look good in spandex, I’m thinking I won’t want to wear it. Okay maybe just for ONE PICTURE. hahahaha
Jeanne - I REALLY LIKE that mindset. Pretend you “are” where you want to be and perhaps you’ll act more like it. Hmmmm … I’ll have to consider that one. Very good idea.
Cassie - Thanks for the hair compliments. :) I could easily be that friend. So many of us are in that position. So man more than should be. We are a society of excess. I’ll say a prayer for your friend. Perhaps you can tell her this post spoke to you and ask her for her opinion? Maybe it’ll open a door to a discussion about health?
Meghan - I agree. This is one heck of a head game. After reading Jeanna’s post above, I should set my mind as one of an athlete and win this game. :)
Elda - Thank you. :)
beachmom - I needed to blog about this because it finally dawned on me that everyone out there is NOT a tall, thin, controlled, balanced woman. Some of us are 12 year olds playing grown up. Others of us are 35 year olds living like 60 year olds. Even some of us act our age, but don’t take responsibility. I NEED to figure this out. I realize others do too. I’m glad to have you here.
MMM - Well then, you like me know exactly what to do … I know you’ll just DO IT already!
BOSSY - You just basically wrote my whole post in a sentence. Succinct you are. :)
Holley - The fries at the golden arches are the perfect mixture of grease, salt and potatoes. I’ve always said that my favorite fast food meal would be McD’s fries, Sonic Cherry Coke and Jack in the Box tacos. Now while all of you go vomit in your bowls at home, know this … we all have our evils. :)
You can do this.
WE can do this.
Stop using the treadmill as a closet - I mean I’ve NEVER DONE THAT *snort - yea, right*.
Not The Mama - I finally decided to “hear” what logically has been swimming around in my head for a while. And thank you for the compliments. :)
Atomic Bombshell - Um - WOW. THAT IS INSPIRATION WOMAN!
Liz C - Wohoooo! And you’re right - this is not the time for you to make MAJOR changes, but minor ones are good - very good. And I love the idea of fixing your own list to read “Why I’m NOT a Fat Lady Anymore.”!
Jill - GlossyVeneer - See - that BOSSY gal is really smart. If it isn’t one extreme it is another - they are equally a painful. I’m with you.
whoorl - Thank ya. :) I’m certainly gonna need the support!
nyjlm - I know, right? Me too! I had to giggle about that one. You know - I’m going to start going to bed earlier too. I need to rest to repair. Good. I’ll make that goal too.
Suebob - I’ve never even THOUGHT about that. You know, I might just do that. Hello! If I can post my real weight for all of you not knowing how much you guys weigh or if y’all would think I was absolutely disgustng, I can certainly walk into a room of others dealing with the same issues as me. Hmmmm… that is food for thought. *snicker*
Just Beachy - Ah no, he calls me “babe” mostly - when he’s not calling me “Momma”. He was speaking to you and others that read here. Internet = World. :)
Aileen - We have a Curves, but the women do more talking than anything else. I may start taking full body photos. GOD HELP ALL OF US.
I am taking one step at a time - yes, smaller portions. I KNOW how to eat and I’m learning more about introducing less of “this” and more of “that” to help my body become more healthy while filling it with good stuff at the same time.
jac - “aha!” :)
Sandra - It is nice to get a perspective of a thin person’s first step into a gym. I’ve actually spent a good deal of time in gyms in the past. I was certified as an aerobic instructor during another extreme time in my life where I managed to keep my weight off for a full year. I taught aerobics 4x a week in between a full college load. I was in shape then and spent time working out. I didn’t like it then either - hahaha! I need to develop a new attitude.
Thanks for the hair support. It is better now than it was then, but it is still a challenge for me not go and spike it again.
I know that spending fills a void (temporarily) like food. Addiction is addiction. We can all relate, just perhaps not with the exact same scenario.
Kami - thanks. :) bwahahaha - proof reading lessons. :)
emilyruth - I’m glad to read that so many are relating. I really expected a bit of hate mail. :) Thank you for the support.
Did I get everyone? I think so.
So many hugs - so much thankfulness for your support.
The internet is not always so big and distant.
Thank the Lord.
I hear you sista!
I have gained 10 lbs since I started my diet. I want to know WHY…why do I do this to myself, why do I feel like i have to eat to feel full…full of food, and love.
I had no idea why this was happening, but your post really hit home, I just want to know that i adore you!
I know I posted this in flickr, but you are one GORGEOUS brat, I just love how you did you hair!! I am inspired to get all dolled up and take a pic of me!
Due to your post today, I took all of today and thought about “selfishness”. And you are so right when you say it finds it way into other areas of your life. WOW! What a day and what a huge revelation! Thank you so much for posting this and to everyone else with the words of wisdom. FYI, I pulled 2 cigarettes out of my brand new pack and flushed, yes flushed the others (no way to pull that outta the can and smoke it!LOL). I have one left and I think about this post when I think about lighting it up. Thanks! I’m right here with you, just in a different way! Keep up the good work!!!
I’ve lost nearly 100 pounds in the last eighteen months, and I still consider quitting EVERY DAY. I was overweight for most of my life, and currently weigh what I did in the eighth grade. I won’t lie - it’s not an easy road, and it takes being committed to a lifestyle change ninety-eight percent of the time. There are ups and certainly downs, but once you really make progress? It will be so worth it.
Cathy G - Nope, they don’t make it out of the bowl very well. Good for you. THAT is an equally difficult journey. Wait. That was stupid to say b/c I have no idea. I would imagine it would be as hard, but maybe harder and I don’t even know it. Either way, I’m glad you’re striving.
Molly - WOW! I’d love to hear your story. Is it at your blog? What a fabulous, fabulous testimony you have!
OMSH, just when I think you have written your best post ever, you come up with another amazing one. I know this stuff about selfishness and sin and being overweight, but it’s easy to shove it to the back of my mind as I have another powdered-sugar mini-donut. Thanks for the reminder. Know that I am rooting for you and praying for you, my friend!
Thanks for opening up this way. And good luck - I’m rooting for you!
OMSH, I just LOVE you. You have put my feelings in writing so I know how you feel. REALLY I do. I am wishing you all the luck in the world with this, but please remember that the people who love you, love you for YOU, for all the things that ultimately make you what you are. Don’t ever beat yourself up. Big hugs.
Wow. Well-written, awesome & raw. I want to send it to my little sis; we read “Wake Up, I’m Fat” together a few years ago and I got a good bit of insight but still…She’s stalled. And I’m sad for her, and us as the family who loves her so & might lose her.
May I just say, the monkey sex with chandelier? Not as amazing as it sounds. But otherwise I’m all behind ya. Power & grace, good combination; rock on.
Bethany Actually - Thank you for your support. Man, if “best post” equates to “most difficult” post, I think I’m developing a pattern! HA!
Chief Family Officer - Thank you, I’ll take all the “rooting” I can get.
Val - I feel confident in the love of my family and friends - I really do. I know they love “me” and not my shell. But my shell has so much bearing on whether or not “I” am with them for days to come, so I’m workin’ it. :)
stephanie - I’ve never read that book, but I’m sure if it is straightforward it probably does have a good deal of insight.
*monkey sex not good for you, eh?* hahaha
Power and Grace is an excellent combination, yes.
I have to first agree with Melissa and say your hair is so cute in that pic! Yay for you for joining a gym. Not something I’ve ever done, but have wanted to. Also, they have diet Coke at Sonic, just in case you still need to go get a fix. he he I can’t say that I am obese, but I am definitely not where I want or need to be. It is hard. I don’t know if it gets easier. But still we try.
My first time here (via Chris at His Unfinished Work) and you have certainly smacked this nail right on the head.
Some of us just started a new blog called “Bringing Healthy Back” full of posts and forums - stop by and hang out if you think its worth your time. We’d love to have you chattin’ it up in the forums with us. (http://bringinghealthyback.com/)
A day late to comment, but wanted to let you know that this post was beautiful. Just like you :)
Spot, spot on. Good for you for determining this. Mind if I do a bit of a run with this same topic?
You do look flipping hot in that picture.
I have a hard time with this. At this moment I need to lose more weight if I want to have more kids safely, which I desperately do. The problem is, the question isn’t “Do I want more kids more than I want this bite of chocolate?” because that bite of chocolate won’t keep me fat. The question is, “Do I want the idea of maybe having kids more than I want to have the freedom to choose what I will and will not eat every day for the next 6 months and the rest of my life?” The answer is still that I want kids more, but it’s so hard in the moment. I’m working at it though and doing well this week. Hang in there. Go. Fight. Win.
Leta - Bwaaha! –> “Also, they have diet Coke at Sonic” I guess I should get used to artificial sweeteners, eh?
HeyJulees - I’ve bookmarked it and I’ll check it out! Thank you for the invite!
Angella - Awww … you always have my back. Now if I could just have your arms too. Oh wait …I think I’ve written that before (once or twice). heh heh
carmen - run with it dah’lin. You’re an inspiration to so many.
daring one - You too. Go.Fight.Win. And you are right, that bite of chocolate won’t keep you fat. But that bite of chocolate day after day might. You definitely seem as if you’re on the right path too.
I’m with ya. I’m hoping for an exemption because I think I’m like 75 lbs. overweight — still obese, though.
They are building a gym at the bottom of my hill. I just have to join, AND GO. I will not be wearing spandex, unless it is mostly cotton.
God whispered in my ear a few years ago that I needed to lose weight to be who He wants me to be. I have been ignoring that whisper with a long list of excuses.
So it’s time for me to be obedient and choose health and life.
I have been watching the post-it weigh-in and sympathizing. I’m with ya. Just need less calories and more exercise — the old school way.
My toes are sore where you stepped all over them.
My heart aches because I hear all of the truth in these words.
I am so proud of you for posting this before the weight loss. I have all sorts of these posts floating around in my head that I will write “TOMORROW” when I have started losing weight. Tomorrow just never pans out.
Geri - I like the way “choosing health and life” sounds. As good a motto as any!
janjanmom - Do I need to ship you some steel toe boots? If it helps, I cried buckets before - and while - posting this. IT IS HARD to say what I need to say to myself.
There are no tomorrows. Tomorrow is unseen. Today is all we can grasp at the moment.
I came over here because I saw your beautiful photo in my Google Reader & I wanted to comment. You look fabulous in that photo.
You are right. I’m at the point where I’m not losing unless I give up the ice cream every night. And I don’t want to let it go. I don’t have something to replace it. In a pathetic way, I’m glad I’m not the only one.
Adria - Awwwww… shux! I wouldn’t want to give up ice cream every night either. Nope, you aren’t the only one!
Ignore the people at the gym. Maybe they look good *now* in their spandex after being there working hard for a few years (hey, worth a shot).
I’m one of the big gals at my gym, and I don’t give a rat’s ass. I get to listen to my own music, read my trashy romance novels or whatever gossip rag is in the cardio room and work out. Without kids attached. I’m paying to use the facilities, so they can bite me if they want to snicker behind my back (and yeah, I doubt any of those 21yo stick girls at my gym has pushed out a 10lb kid and subsequently nursed it for years). Geez, sorry, I must be in a mood. Carry on.
Lanna, you totally cracked me up!
Lanna - I have officially added you to my list of women I wish lived closer. We could totally rock the momma status at the gym.
I don’t care if you are “in a mood” - I absolutely declare you MUST “carry on” - except right here. :)
bethany actually - I think Lanna needs to write a song. TOTALLY!
I love your post. I want to stand up and applaud. Because even though I’m not obese and never have been, I’ve engaged in those very same selfish behaviors.
And I think Mr. OMSH and my husband would get along famously. Occam’s Razor is often invoked around here.
Oh, and HELLO - how beautiful are you?!
I do say “totally” a lot, don’t I? :-) Almost as much as I say “actually”.
I haven’t read all the comments yet, and I apologize. But I wanted to share something that came to mind while reading your post.
This is the best thing, the one thing I really remember reading out of a book called Body Clutter. After telling a story about some of the emotional reasons she eats (especially particular comfort foods) she said that she now reminds herself again and again:
“It’s just FOOD. It’s not LOVE. It’s not GOD.”
I love that… it kind of sums up emotional eating for me, how we eat to fill other voids. And it never seems to work. Temporarily maybe, but it doesn’t *satisfy*. And for me being aware of it helps.
Thanks for your words, as always.
Oh, I just have one thing to add - I don’t think people care how big you are at the gym - just don’t smell bad. I.e. don’t douse yourself in deodorant or perfume, and make sure you’ve taken a shower that week. I’ve been stuck next to I-use-an-entire-bottle-of-aftershave-a-day, and not-so-little-old-lady-who-can’t-smell-her-BO and let me tell you, it’s not nice to my asthma or just life in general.
And OMSH - if you move up by me you’d be closer to Kerflop… ;) (although she’s in the un-pretty part of the state) Cost of living sure isn’t bad though - and I’m rather fond of the winter and such. :)
It’s a weird sensation to see your own thoughts coming out of someone else’s head. Hit me pretty hard. You’re right. You’re totally right. The reason I have an extra 65 pounds on me right now is selfishness and self indulgence. The absolute lack of desire to say No to myself. I do a lot of the right things, and then I sabotage myself in one evening. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thanks. I needed that.
go go stinkin’. you are an inspiration and i KNOW you’ll be successful. i’ve found that having somneone else managing the workouts is a big plus. i just don’t get there and get it done without that kick in the butt. kudos for taking that step.
You’re not alone. I made the decision last week to start trying to exercise because the dieting and other attempts just aren’t working. I walked on Monday after I put my 6 year old on the bus. I realized I need walking shoes. I didn’t walk again because I knew if I did my feet would cramp again and it would end up being a bad experience. So tomorrow when I do the weekly shopping I’m going to buy some new walking shoes and I’m going to try again Monday (and hopefully at least 3 more days a week) I recently found out my thyroid isn’t working right so hopefully the medication will help. I’m definitely not eating as much as I was. I need to loose about 45 pounds to be back to where I was before my first child was born(I have 4 now) and I should be aiming for the 55 I was before I got married so that’s mild really…we have a long road but we’ll get there.
mothergoosemouse - Oh Jeff will be so glad to hear someone related to his comment! I’ll have to let him know!
And thank you sweet boy-carrying momma!
falwyn - whooohooo! Hmmmm … I should have that stenciled on the pantry or refrigerator door!
bethany actually - yes, you do and actually, I can totally relate! *snicker*
Lanna - Oh, I can’t move … my heart is sewn in tight little stitches to Texas.
And thank you for the lesson on non-b.o. and non-perfume overdoses. Since I don’t wear cologne and I’m a stickler for anti-perspirant, I’m thinking I’ll be okay, but I’ll TAKE EXTRA CARE! haha
molly - Well, as you can see by this string of comments, there are a LOT of us in the same self-indulgent boat. It is amazing and sad at the same time.
ellen landrum - thank you. I haven’t met yet with the personal trainer, but I’m gonna tell her I need to shed and tone, SHED and TONE.
Patricia - Hey, I even HAD the right shoes and didn’t get off my duff, so…. you, my dear, are way ahead of me!
A long road, but wow, look at all those walking it with us.
Y’all are just so great. I don’t say that lightly.
Oh, I have no doubts about you controlling your own BO - just beware of others who don’t. I’ve been very tempted to have one of those masks in my gym bag to go pull out when I need it. Very tempted. But then I started hitting the gym at 9pm after the kids are asleep and it’s nice and deserted that time of night. :) I even get to change the tv channels if I want to.
Lanna - ooooh, TV control. Nice. ;)
Yikes! 83 comments. I’m taking little blog breaks while cooking and I just can’t read them all and still remember what I want to say.
You nailed me. That is me. I am that selfish person. I feel really bad about the 2 boxes of Joe-Joe’s I bought at Trader Joe’s today because I saw a photo that was taken of me yesterday and I should have known not to put those in my cart.
Baby screaming. Will read what everyone else had to say when I can because I bet there is some good advice up there.
Thanks for writing this, Heather. I needed to read it.
KYouell - your welcs … what are Joe-Joe’s (or do I want to know)?
Joe-Joe’a are the Trader Joe’s all-natural version of Oreos, and they’re REALLY good.
Uh, that should be Joe-Joe’s.
bethany actually -I’d be a goner for sure!
Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to call them “all natural” but when compared to an Oreo they are health food.
No trans fats. Half way between a regular Oreo and a Double-Stuf. Many flavors (including a peppermint at the holidays, I’m told). They are what Oreos dream of becoming when they grow up.
Sigh. I am a goner.
Back to Nature (organic!) mint creme cookies. You can buy them by the case at Amazon. Don’t look if you’re trying to avoid that stuff though.
[...] last week’s weigh-in post I geared myself up for a ton of hate mail, but the overwhelming majority of you said, “Yep, [...]
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