Ohmystinkinheck

Ever heard the expression ‘Walk Your Talk’? I grew up with it as a mainstay expression - probably a result of my Baptist upbringing. Though the Baptist faith isn’t necessarily wrapped up in enumerating ‘works’ as a part of one’s faith, my parents helped me to understand that what I DID spoke much louder than what I SAID. And boy, have I learned that over and over with my children.

As parents each of us have downfalls; areas in our life where we really struggle to raise the bar. For me, it is my temper. I can pop off so fast and then, oh my goodness do I regret it later. My kids have taught me more about temper than any other human beings or life situations. I see how it affects them when I lose it, but most especially, I see how my temper has manifested itself in their own lives and personalities.

One of them can match and even boldly question my temper in the midst of the storm, another is sensitive and deeply affected by any of my poor behaviors and will sulk away to a quiet place until the dust settles, and yet another one will try to make everything ‘better’ by cracking a joke, goofing off, or loving on me.

Despite the way their behaviors play out, all three are impacted - and in this one thing alone, I have been convicted over and over. I cannot count the number of times I have had to ask forgiveness for saying a cursory word, making a judgmental statement, or just altogether losing it and stomping out like a rebellious freshman who was just told she couldn’t attend the Senior Prom, much less, stay out all night with her ‘friends.’

I used to comfort myself with ridiculous notions like, “Well, I don’t beat or hurt them.” or “They need to understand that mommies sometimes get upset.”, but I soon recognized that as a pathetic attempt at justifying immature behavior.

After days like today, when I see them playing together and enjoying the aspects of family life…
After days like today, when we laughed more than we complained, and learning was a pure joy…
After days like today, when hugs were a’plenty and laughter flowed freely…
After nights like tonight, when they thanked Jesus for our family and a Mommy and Daddy who love each other…

I KNOW that there is no justification for stealing their joy.
Not ever.

And once again, I hear the Lord loud and clear…

Children are a gift from the Lord.
They are a reward from him.
Psalm 127:3

And I’ve one thing to say.

“Roger that.”

25 Responses to “Walkie Your Talkie”

1. Kim

   You had me ’til the Aggie part. Boomer Sooner. :)

2. Kate

   Amen, my friend.

   Once again, Heather, you totally have inspired and touched me. :)

3. mamalang

   And that is what blogging taught me. Sounds silly and trite, but reading another persons blog made me aware of my own anger. And I found an outlet and a way to be better.

   Amen.

4. bethany actually

   So I am trying to figure out which kid is which… ;-)

   It’s true, our kids do teach us how to be better because we want better for them. Praise God for His wisdom in making the system work the way it does, even in its current imperfect form.

5. Dad

   Heather, children ARE a gift of the Lord and you are the greatest gift ever!

   Your Mom and I couldn’t be more blessed anytime or anywhere, than with you. We love you totally … really!!! You know why? You are God’s gift created and delivered just “for” us. You are exactly what He knew we needed and knows we will love and cherish forever, you and the entire Sanders family. Once again, God is absolutely correct.

   Thank you Heather for being what and who we love.

6. Mim

   God bless you and your family.

   I love the pictures and the message.

   This school year has been a rough start and sadly too many of the children we are working with do not have parents who believe this message. Each morning I pray that I will somehow be able to make a difference in the lives of these kids. Prayers greatly needed.

7. Mim

   PS- I love that your dad reads and posts to your blog.

   What a sweet message he left!

8. Capturing Today

   Amen, Heather! Eloquently stated. Glad to see your school year is off to a good start. Praying for you all as Hurricane Ike heads that way and hoping you’re not in an evacuation area.

9. Mandy

   Amen sister! This convicted me this morning. I too am a joy stealer every now and again, and it always breaks my heart when I take the time to think about it. Just yesterday I got on them for laughing too loud in the car while I was trying to talk on the phone. Then it dawned on me that I could make the call later, and that my children’s laughter was so much better.

10. Brenda

    What a great reminder, and how honest and humble of you to admit you have a temper problem. I do too but hate to admit it.

11. Michelle

    That’s the thing I’m always afraid of - yelling at my kids when they don’t deserve it.

    My sister yells at her children pretty frequently. As in, almost every single time she talks to them. I worry about them. When I’m home I try to ease the pain by being the “good aunt” and taking them for ice cream and getting coloring books and stuff, but I can’t seem to get through to Jennifer and get her to stop yelling. *sigh*

12. Gayle

    Heather, what a wonderful post. So beautifully put. I am definitely struggling with losing my temper lately. When my kids get home from school my youngest wants to be loud and let off some steam and my other two are trying to get their homework done in peace. I need to find a way to balance everyone’s needs without yelling, because that sure doesn’t do any good.

    And, I’ve got to say that some of your commenters made me tear up, including your dad. You are very blessed.

13. Kim R.

    Thank God for his grace. I know as a parent that for all the times I missed it - He so graciously fixed it.

14. Lou

    You and me both, sister.

    It takes a lot for me not to get angry and yell.

    It is wonderful though that your children have a mother who teaches them of repentance through example by apologizing and trying to do better. So many adults have an attitude of superiority and they forget that their offspring need to see us be humble as well.

15. naomi

    yes, it is important to walk one’s talk. i work on that each and every day. how ever hidden within your failings are lessons for your children.

    1. even adults make mistakes and must atone for their actions/words when they hurt others
    2. you are worthy, just like any adult or stranger, to an apology when you are wronged. i value you enough to ensure that i want to make sure i atone to you when i wrong you.
    3. despite my mistakes where i fail to walk my talk, i continue to walk my talk by atoning when i do wrong and you see that.

    for children to see that adults, even their parents, aren’t perfect allows them to see that everyone has human failings. it gives them the gift of knowing that as well as the gift of seeing how atonement works from people they know and trust.

    so you see, being flawed is another gift wrapped in very different paper.

16. Shawna

    I hope that when I am blessed with children that I am even half of the parent that you are. wow. I love your ability to admit your flaws and step back and remove yourself from a situation or event to examine it. Wow.

17. Sheri

    What a great post, so very true. I have seen it in my childrens eyes when I have blown up, it does steal their joy, and it’s never right. I’m working on being a better mom, I never want to be the reason for them to lose that joyful light in their eyes.

18. Christie

    Thank you so much for sharing that. I’ve had some really rough days since my little one turned two and the thought that I’ve stolen her joy breaks my heart and makes me want to try harder to be the parent God wants me to be. She truly is a gift.

19. {{shan}}

    This really spoke to me… actually, I could have written this post! A couple of weeks ago, my middle child, who wants to “fix” things, came to me with a little “advice,” something she’d learned in church… she said that when I lose my temper, I am putting myself on the throne instead of the Lord. She’s only 9. She’s right. Ouch.

20. Octamom

    Love this~
    Blessings~

21. Geri C

    Thanks for the honest post. I think every mom has this issue at one time or another. I too am working on the short fuse problem I have and I too have seen the effects my yelling has on my children. I swore I would not inflict this kind of pain on my kids, because I hated it growing up, and yet I find myself having to apologize almost every day at some point for my lack of constraint with my kids. I hate to say this, but it’s nice to know i’m not the only one. The thing is Heather, you don’t strike me as someone who doesn’t care about your kids. the fact that you have recognized the negative impact it can have on your kids tells me you are a concerned, caring mother who wants only the best for her children. The fact that you are willing to admit the problem and work on it shows that you are willing to make changes so that your kids grow up feeling loved and appreciated! And I love that you are so introspective about your life. You work so hard at doing things right and providing awesome experiences for your family…in the end, those are the things they will remember.

22. The True Vine

    I am trying to live out every day what you have articulated.

    P.S. That last cap is very popular at our house, too!

23. jen

    That last pic? Everytime I see a picture of that little girl, who looks so very much like my own niece, I just wanna hug her.
    I do so appreciate the fact that you DO walk your talk on these here internets, and I do look up to you for that.

24. Mrs. Wilson

    I’ve avoided reading through this post because I am guilty of the same exact temper.

    It’s a good thing we have a Heavenly Father who forgives our mistakes and will give us a second chance to show our children that we love them, amidst our temper.

    I love that you’re so willing to share yourself with the rest of us so that we can learn from you. You’re a wise lady, Heather, and I appreciate you quite a bit!!

25. KYouell

    My MIL never learned this lesson so her son struggles with it. We have very different approaches to dealing with a 1yo and a 3yo that don’t seem to hear us when we say, “No, that’s not safe.” I just don’t agree that bellowing is a good tactic when it has been tried and does not work. Sure they jump (so do I!) but the behavior starts right back up. And then there’s the smacks. At least he finally agrees that the reason his mom slapped him was because she was a single mom very young and didn’t have a lot of tools, and that striking — even on a diapered bottom — is something a parent does when they’ve run out of tools.

    I’m not saying that *I’m* perfect, just that my frustrations are expressed in other ways. It is hard to be the parent that watches the other lose it. And I so thank you for sharing so I don’t feel as alone.