Ohmystinkinheck

Yesterday, on the way to my aunt and uncle’s home (of which I will refer to later - so lodge that sweet morsel in your mind), Jeff and I decided to stop off at the terribly expensive, retail coffee deity, otherwise known as STARBUCKarooS. Now, the only reason we go there is because they have Java Chip Frappuccinos. No one else has Java Chip Frappuccinos. When STARBUCKarooS stops carrying Java Chip Frappuccinos I’ll return to the land of reasonably priced coffees… which, if you must know, is the grocery aisle.

Okay, sorry - just had to justify that expenditure ONE MORE TIME in my mind before pushing forward.

Where was I going with this - oh yes, I remember. So the rat pack in the back seat are whining, “We NEVER get ANYTHING! Waaaah! We want a drink! How come YOU GET A DRINK and WE DON’T EVER, EVER, NEVER, like EVAH get a drink?!”

Normally we’d ignore it with a comment like, “Because I said so!” Oh wait, wrong one … with a comment like, “You’ll rot your teeth out.” or “When you make the money you can spend the money.” This time I reached deep into my heart and pulled out, “Calm down, we’ll get something at the gas station.” See, I can be nice.

This brings us to the next scene. Remember how I was somewhat fretting over turning 33+1, but then decided to embrace the day and sang to myself, online … for the world to hear? WELL … let me TELL you something. I’m a grandma. Did you know that? Well, its official.

Inside the gas station I place 3 chocolate milks on the counter and smile at the attendant. He starts keying in the price and says, “Thirsty?” I keep smiling and say, “No, these are for the kids.” Then the young man smiles back and says, “Oh, I see … hyping them up with sugar and then sending them home to momma, eh?”

Now, you can only imagine the look on my face - folks say I’m transparent and all. I had about 15 come-backs restrained on my tongue, ready to be released and pierce through that man’s heart, but I withstood the temptation. I said, “I am their momma.” Turns out that was the greatest response from the look on his face. He stutters, “Oh, um … er … that’s good?” To which I said, “Yes, yes it is.” And I turned and walked out. What do you bet he NEVER makes that mistake again.

Hello, my name is Heather. I am almost completely grey at the ripe old age of 34.

Now, for the sweet ending of this story. We get to my aunt and uncle’s house (see, I told you we’d come back to this) and my children receive their long awaited surprise from Aunt Betty. Enjoy the video.

Like gas stations in rural Texas after 10 pm, comments are closed.