Ohmystinkinheck

Here the saga in song - [download]

Right click to open in a new window if you want to read along.

Or read it.
I just love offering choices.

This morning’s events … in song.

The wheels on the bus are sitting still
sitting still
sitting still
the wheels on the bus are sitting still
parked along the circle drive

The momma in the burb is dropping off kids
dropping off kids
dropping off kids
The momma in the burb is dropping off kids
and wants in the circle drive

The buses almost take up the whole dang lane
the whole dang lane
the whole dang lane
the buses almost take up the whole dang lane
in the circle drive.

The momma in the burb says “I can make it”
“I can make it”
“I can make it”
the momma in the burb says I can make it
easing into the circle drive

The driver on the bus looks like KD Lang
KD Lang
KD Lang
The driver on the bus looks like KD Lang
in the bus on the circle drive

The momma slowly pulls alongside the bus
alongside the bus
‘cuz thinks she must
The momma slowly pulls alongside the bus
Wouldn’t you know it - she gets stuck

The driver on the bus says moooove on back
move on back
move on back
the driver on the busy says move on back
you don’t belong on the circle drive

So the momma then tries to back up the ‘burb
back-up the ‘burb
back-up the ‘burb
Oh my stinkin’heck I’m wedged on the curb
in the circle drive

The momma pulls forward one more time
one more time
one more time
she hits the brake but not in time
before she hits the bus

The driver on the bus grabs her walkie talkie
walkie talkie
walkie talkie
“breaker 109 this woman is wonky-
she just hit my bus”

The men in black they arrive in their cars
arrive in their cars
arrive in their cars
“Driver’s license please” he said with regard
“Oh crap! Where’s my purse?”

The purse is back on the kitchen table
kitchen table
kitchen table
Momma’s feeling just a slight bit unstable
tears roll down her face

The men in black just roll their eyes
they roll their eyes
like it’s no surprise
“I bet she does this with all us guys”
he says as he walks away

The driver on the bus, she pulls on out
she pulls on out
she pulls on out
shaking her head and cussing no doubt
at the momma in the ‘burb

“We’ll let you off with a warning this time”
“a warning this time”
“a warning this time”
“Don’t you know Suburbans don’t typically turn on a dime -
just so you know …”

Momma gets in the burb and heads on home
heads on home
heads on home
Where its nice and quiet and she’s all alone
all the live long day.

35 Responses to “The driver on the bus says MOVE ON BACK!”

1. BOSSY

   No. She. Dih’int!

2. Amy

   That was hilarious! Your creativity, that is, not so much what you had to go through….great job

3. Holley

   You poor thing. I say, Run over that damn bus. Why do they think they own the road? They aren’t paying taxes on it. They are actually taking our tax dollars in the form of government funding in their paycheck. I believe you had every right to get your burb around that wide load.
   Thankful that no-one was injured in the making of this video. What??? No video!!! There’s got to be a video!!!!!!!1

4. Dawn

   This reader of the blog did
   Laugh, Laugh, Laugh.
   Laugh, Laugh, Laugh.
   Laugh, Laugh, Laugh.
   The reader of the blog did
   Laugh, Laugh, Laugh
   And let out a little snort….

   So sorry!!! Hope the burb is okay!

5. carmen

   Oh, man, this was funny. I’m sure it wasn’t to you, though…

6. Kristin

   so funny! maybe you should downsize to a mini-van.

7. OMSH

   BOSSY - Oh yes. She did.

   Amy - *bowing* (ouch! hit head on pride)

   Holley - WHY do I not carry you in my hip pocket. Seriously, I could so use a “Hide a Holley” during times like this. ;)

   Dawn - the bumper is … *ahem* a bit wonky, but all else is well. Thanks for the extra stanza! HA!

   carmen - in hindsight almost anything is funny.

   Kristin - That, my dear, can get you tried for heresy in these here parts.

   *I had a mini-van … bought my ‘burb on purpose. *wink*

8. TheAngelForever

   So sorry to hear about your rough morning.

   I will say I am glad to know that I am not the only one that changes the words of kid songs (or others) to go along with events. Heck as I was dealing with my baby spitting up I was doing it to “Wheels on the Bus” - LOL

9. Jenny from Chicago

   The sign of a true creative mind…so close to tragedy and able to work it into a masterpiece. You really do rock.

10. Andrea

    Truly hilarious!!!!!!!

11. chirky

    I think that was the most creative thing I’ve read (sang) in the past month.

12. Molly

    I’m sorry you went through that this morning, but your new lyrics? Were hillarious!! I had to get my husband to read as well, and we were dying.

13. OMSH

    TheAngelForever - I am constantly making up songs and if there is already a diddy that is easy to assimilate, it makes it all the better!

    Jenny from Chicago and chirky - I am so glad that making up new lyrics to children’s songs makes me a creative, b/c I was thinking of adding it to my resume. :)

    Andrea and Molly - I’m glad I’m good for a laugh *smerk* Laughter, as they say, is the best … (well margaritas are the best medicine, but laughter is VERY close).

14. Aprilmommy

    Hehehe *snort* I mean, I am glad you are alright ;-)

15. MMM

    Oh my! Poor thing!

    Were the kids embarrassed?!

16. Kami

    Oh my, not the way you envisioned “back to school” I am sure.

    Love the song, I am glad you can laugh about something like that. My version would have been a bit more blue, if you know what I mean.

    :-)

17. Jill - GlossyVeneer

    My dear lovely friend, how can you take something that might have ruined my day if it happened to me and turn it into a delightful tale AND song? You are truly talented.

18. OMSH

    AprilMommy - You can laugh. No really, you can. No seriously, I don’t want you to snort drink up your nose or anything at all.

    MM - Nope. I acted quickly and when I watched KD Lang walkie talkie the men in black I abandoned the car and took them calmly into the school.

    When I returned to the ‘burb the whole world was waiting and I felt free to unleash my big ol’ dinosaur tears then.

    Kami - It was a nice way to explain the big black mark alongside the bumper to Mr. OMSH. heh heh

    Jill - GlossyVeneer - Well, my idea of a nightmare is going to the gymn and you make that a laughable situation for me. We’ll call it even!

19. Aileen

    ***spits out drink so that it hits the monitor***

    K.D. Lang?

    Bwahahahaaaa!!

    Sorry you had a frustrating bus-challenged day… but just think… it will forever be immortalized in song. :)

20. coolbeans

    I would like to request a song about “if you eat pig sh*t for lunch, you should carry binaca”. Then you can come to work with me and sing it at that one guy.

    You are one of my favorites, Heather.

21. OMSH

    Aileen - I’m worried what is going to be immortalized in song.

    FOR INSTANCE …

    coolbeans - This one’s for you (lyrics shortened by the OMSHman himself)

    [download]

    Thank you Mr.OMSH for assisting in song.

22. MammaLoves

    OH! NO!

    Isn’t blogging great? How could we laugh about it later?

23. coolbeans

    Oh my goodness. That makes my day. Thank you!

24. If You Eat Pig Caca, Carry Binaca « cool beans

    [...] 29, 2007 OMSH hit a bus and lived to sing about it. I liked the song so much, I asked her to write one for me as a public service announcement to that [...]

25. Jeana

    The first thing I thought when I read this was, “Oh. My. Stinkin’. Heck.” And then the irony made me laugh even harder.

26. Loralee

    The few times I have been pulled over since selling my speed-magnent convertible when I was 20, has caused me to WEEP. You’d think I could be adult about it considering I’m 32, but no…I cry like a girly-man every time.

    (Except, you know, without the “Man” part.)

27. PlusToo

    Oh My Gosh! You end up in the wackiest of situations. I am so srry this happened to you. Even though it is funny. *snort* this is why I opt to let my hubby do the ‘burban driving. It literally takes me three tries to get into a parking space. I have to thank you for the song. I GUARANTEE you that I will wake up tomorrow morning sing it.

28. Friglet

    I know this is not funny to you. But I can’t help laughing my ass off!

    Love, love, love the song!

29. Lori

    I read the song earlier, but just took the time to listen to it today. It is great! Reminds me of the story type songs by Christine Lavin. You have quite a talent!

30. OMSH

    Jeana - I aim to please. Okay, so not so good with the ‘burb, but in other areas … definitely.

    MammaLoves - Not sure how we can laugh about it later, but right now - I’m laughing about it over a cup of java!

    Loralee - I blame it on Hollywood. I have no idea why, but everyone else is - so WHY NOT?!

    PlusToo - Did you wake up singing it?

    Friglet - Once your done laughing yours off, can you come laugh mine off too? That’d be one less thing I have to do today.

    Lori - Hmmmm … *thinking about marketability of newfound talent*

31. PlusToo

    OMSH-Did you wake up singing it?

    I did. And that is the honest truth. I don’t know why but every morning I find myself singing the weirdest things!

32. Lori

    You should listen to some of the Christine Lavin song segments on itunes. A couple that come to mind are “Shopping Cart of Love” and “Sensative New Age Guys”. Your song made me think of them and she has a whole bunch of albums. Or listen to “The Babysitter Is Here” by Dar Williams-another good story song.

    I love how you did the different voices in your song! What a great way to tell a stressful story and turn it into a funny thing instead of dwelling on it.

33. KYouell

    The downside of goig on a 4-week vacation? Blogs you love so much that you can’t skip an entry but who close their comments after 4 days. It’s taken me at least 3 days of reading (including following links) to get to a post I could comment on. I’m so excited I’m typing this one handed while holding a 3mo girl with a poopy diaper with my other. That’s commitment!

    Thanks for rewarding my tenacity with 2 songs. :-) So good to be back!

34. Suebob

    D’oh. That is SO something I would do.

35. Clarissa

    Hey, at least a guy on a bike didn’t run into your truck! Everybody was looking at me like i hit him! I was like not possible, I didnt even see him until his face was on the windshield. Needless to say he was alright, however, I had good luck, the officer that was there, liked me, NO TICKET! Well he got the ticket for not wearing that flashy thing. Good song!