Phbbtthh – My shadow can beat your shadow!

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Phbbtthh – My shadow can beat your shadow!

It is Saturday, and I just experienced my first ever Yoga class led by a very limber, smooth speaking, college student named Johann. And? Sitting here, 30 minutes post-yoga, I have an unbelievable need to bawl like a little baby. Is this normal? I wanna cry, cry, cry and I have no idea why. The sun is out, it is glorious day, the kids are about to wash cars with daddy and though we have a busy day planned, it isn’t a stressful day. But me? I feel a bit weepy. As weepy as a woman with jelly arms and legs can feel.

Does that mean I’ve been storing these tears at my “center”? Because the muscular, soft-spoken Johann repeatedly reminded his class to “Come back to your center”. I kept looking for the white “x” on the floor – almost daring to move my mat to find it – but it wasn’t there. So, because I’m so stinkin’ smart, I realized after a half hour that my “center” was within me. *der*

I truly must be all muckity-muck (butterscotch pudding perhaps?) in my center. I felt a bit intimidated next to the wee little lady to my right with her pink Yoga mat and form fitting Yoga clothing, so I tried praying through Yoga, but my conversations with God kept getting interrupted by Johann:

“Breathing in – exhale.”
“Breathing 3 more times.”

…and then something about getting into the “backwards doggy” position – which, I might add, sounded a bit more like something I’d do with my husband than on the floor of a gym with Johann and the cute little Yoga Smurfette.

Another thing? You know that movement when you roll into a ball and roll back and forth until you can eject yourself from the floor into a standing position? Um…yeah. And? I passed gas. I rolled it right out of me. It is VERY hard to conceal you’ve passed gas in a room with only two other people. It wasn’t silent either. It was like a butt burp – horribly embarrassing. Still, I stood up, hands over head, and acted as though I had just pulled off the greatest dismount known to mankind.

I’ve read online about others doing this, but I’ve alway prided myself on being able to control bodily noises. Steamroller movements, however, somehow destroy my ability to tighten my sphincter. Y’know, just so you know.

Here are my thoughts on my body and Yoga. First? I like it. In this truly weird way I feel better – weepy, but better. I’m sore and I want to go to bed, but I liked it. I say this NOW THAT IT IS OVER, because after 15 minutes into it I was thinking, “Oh good Lord, please make time pass quickly.” By the way, He did not honor that request.

Some of the stretches are difficult for an overweight person. I’m limber – actually very limber – but my fat got in the way. When you lean right for a side stretch and you have a couple of rolls there, you can’t lean as far. When you cross your legs to stretch over them and your gut is in the way, your stretch isn’t as deep. When you lay on the floor and try to let your gluts melt like hot wax into the floor (his words, not mine), you imagine you’ve dumped out the entire candle and really, no one likes a mess.

It was hard. It was very hard.

I’m going back next week.

I think Yoga is going to provide one very solid way for me to see how far I’ve come in the actual loss of inches. As inches come off, my moves will be easier.

In the meantime, I’ll have to mess with the “rolling down” effect of the waist of my knit pants each and every time I do ANY move. Oh, and boy do I cast a very large shadow on the back wall. MY SHADOW CONSUMED the shadow of the girl next to me. I took a bit of satisfaction in knowing I did SOMETHING better than she did.

My shadow can beat up her shadow any day of the week.

Y'ALL APPARENTLY HAVE THINGS TO SAY, CUZ

29 have spoken up.

Jenn

LMAO, hey i bet my shadow can beat your shadow. I tried doing yoga, but on my own, cause well, i dont like people seeing my fat, especially skinny people in spandex. and the fact we dont have any classes like that here, although i think i could suck it up and quit being such a whiney girl and do it, since it is actually fun.

Mrs. G.

I can relate to this post as I have been to many yoga classes. Being of somewhat large stature and well-endowed, every time I had to do that downward dog pose, my breasts came flying at my face at the speed of light. Keep going and they say you’ll experience something called BLISS. Way to be active.

Annika

I think that’s exactly what it means – the yoga is releasing your tensions, and that translates to crying. It’s a GOOD thing, I think. I’m so damn proud of you for doing this. I know I need to get my ass into Downward Facing Dog (and lord knows my husband would like it) but I’ve been too busy/scared/tense to do it.

Jill - GlossyVeneer

It sounds like your class is a little combo of yoga and pilates. Rolling like a ball isn’t typically done in yoga (at least, not in the 10.5 years I’ve been practicing). But yoga is an incredible strength-training program, plus the programs available are so different. Ones to help you relax and ones to completely break a sweat.

And to help you release emotional tensions too… that’s the nice thing.

ValleyGirl

Good for you!!! You’re a very brave woman! And very funny. I laughed out loud all by myself — which doesn’t happen unless something is super funny and I just can’t help it. Sphincter control has eluded all of us at some inopportune time in our lives, I imagine. Too funny. Glad to hear you’re going back next week, regardless of bodily function embarrassment and sorenes!

Sue at nobaddays

Persevere with the yoga. The actions and stretches feel good almost right away, but it took me about two months to really start to feel the true benefits — balance, the beginnings of core strength, lessons from the body that the mind could apply elsewhere, etc. The thing I love most about it is that you can make it your own, and bring your own spiritual angle and your own physical challenges (at your level) to it.

Ang in TX

Snort, Chuckle, ARgh! Yep girlfriend you have a great sense of humor!

I actually popped in to see if you had thrown us “wordpress dogs” a bone! I can’t wait till Wed.

On a serious note about yoga (yes, this farming hippie actually use to practice) It’s in the mind more than it is the body and once you get there it is addictive. When I first started every morning I would find my special spot in the house and count 60 backwards (ya know 60,59, 58, 57 etc.)In the beginning it would take me 7 or 8 times to clear my head of “I should be doing this or how stupid do I look sitting here” but once I learned how to center within myself it was awesome.

I never made it to such positions as “One-Legged King Pigeon Pose” way to contortionistic for me.

Enjoy your yoga and spoil yourself this weekend your doing great!

Suebob

I am proud of you for going to yoga. I know the farting phenomenon well. I think I missed out on the strong sphincter dept in general and have heard many odd noises come from varying parts of my body during yoga. It happens…

Fitness » Phbbtthh - My shadow can beat your shadow!

[...] Julia wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptIt is Saturday, and I just experienced my first ever Yoga class led by a very limber, smooth speaking, college student named Johann. And? Sitting here, 30 minutes post-yoga, I have an unbelievable need to bawl like a little baby. … [...]

bethany actually

OMSH, I am so proud of you! I’ve never been brave enough to try yoga. Cheering you on, farts and all. ;-)

Jess

I can relate in a slightly different way. I have extremely long arms. So long most of my long sleeve shirts are only 3/4 length. Anyway, I once joined a kick boxing type class and nearly knocked a few people out over the course of the class. Who knew I needed a 10 foot perimeter around me for safety reasons. I also looked really bizarre, so I never, ever went back. Good for you for sticking it out!

KYouell

First, I applaud your ability to share about your sphincter so that we know. Since we’re sharing, I took a circuit training class for several semesters (tiny perk of working at a community college) and during the post-circuit crunch session I would also expel gas, but from a different orifice. Never smelly, but absolutely uncontrollable.

Second, I think crying after yoga would be like crying during/after a good massage. I think it means that you did some really good work. Something somewhere inside you bubbled up. (Hee hee.)

Third, GO SHADOW! I like how you are a cup-half-full kind of gal.

I’m thinking of trying hot yoga after my Cupcake is weaned. I love the 2 yoga dvds I have. The prenatal one was really nice. And downward facing dog is my favorite stretch EVER, all innuendo aside.

OMSH

Jenn – I don’t like people seeing my fat either. I REALLY DON’T, but then I realized just because it was behind a thin layer of knit didn’t mean it was hidden. Once that reality set in, I figured … might as well just face the Yoga Smurfette and get RID of this fat layer once and for all. *sigh* It’ll take a while.

Mrs. G. – I had a breast reduction back in 2004. Before that, I could totally relate to the boob slamming in face experience. I think that was the most painful way of losing 8 lbs. I’ve ever experienced, but oh the joy now that I don’t have divets in my shoulders, don’t have the back pains and the headaches have gone away.

I want to experience bliss. Definitely could use some bliss.

Annika – I’ve been too busy, scared, tense for the past 10 years. Man 10 years goes fast. Get in the position. For you AND your husband *wink*

Jill – GlossyVeneer – I need to get online and see the difference between Yoga and Pilates. I’ve no idea. The rolling up is the only “active” thing we did. The rest was very slow and very stretchy and very … HARD. Okay, so laying on the ground in the fetal position wasn’t so hard.

I did like the emotional release – it was cleansing.

ValleyGirl – Can I just say EVERY TIME I read your name I hum “Valley Girl, she’s a valley girl.” That’s my 80s music inclination coming through. And I’m glad that you laughed out loud … I LOVE when I read something and it makes me laugh. Ah, laughter. How could we possibly handle life without it.

Sue at nobaddays – It’ll take time to feel the true benefits. I think after a few more lbs. I do bring in my own spiritual angle, but I was too busy trying to not DIE that my prayers got shorter and shorter and the meditation certainly wasn’t there after about 15 minutes.

Ang in TX – Won’t be throwing that WordPress bone until Wednesday … that one takes quite a bit of preparation to do more than one day a week! :)

I’m not even looking up the One-Legged King Pigeon Pose for another 6 months. NO WAY. I already felt a slight bit defeated by the backwards dog (or whatever the heck it is called) and the butt burp.

Suebob – I need a shirt, “Butt burps happen” and I’ll wear it to Yoga with a big ol’ grin on my face.

bethany actually – Thank ya ma’am. Oh come on – if I CAN DO YOGA, you certainly can. Get with it sistah!

Jess – I can envision you swinging around with your Elastigirl arms – too funny! I mean … er … I’m so sorry you were embarrassed. *snicker*

KYouell – Bwahahahahaha! Bwahahahahaha! Bwahahahaha! There’s a name for that you know … but I don’t want those kind of Google searches turning up here, so I’m keeping it clean.

I ALWAYS cry during a good massage. OH! I hadn’t even related the two, but that is soooo true.

Okay, off to church. You guys are gonna make me late. I swear! heh heh

Angella

This post made my morning. You brought a smile to my face and made me laugh out loud when you farted. Only because according to Honey? I need a butt plug.

See? We really would make great neighbours :)

Aileen

I find it hilarious that you were tooting, albeit accidentally. Think of it as releasing negative toxins from your body and cleansing yourself. :-)

Mim

I just started yoga last week too and I totally know what you mean about fat getting in the way! I even said something to the teacher about how my fat was cramping my yoga-style. I too am a very flexible fat girl but no matter how bendy you are – the fat won’t move out of the way!!!

I do find myself very relxed after a yoga session though and I’m glad I’m going to get to go for another month or so (it’s free through my workplace).

bethany actually

You’re totally right, I certainly could do yoga. I am really more interested in Pilates, though. I have the tendency to roll my eyes a LOT at all the emotional-cleansing, touchy-feel stuff that seems to go along with yoga. I’m such a cynic. ;-)

nyjlm

yay for OMSH! You go girl. I definitely could use some yoga/pilates/exercise of any type. And since I’m a stressed out girl on the best of days, yoga would be so great. Now just to DO IT.

Laura/PinkFontGirl

you’re SUCH a doll. honestly.

coolbeans

Did you see this article in Figure magazine?

I’ve tried yoga (at home) and after I stopped swearing, I liked it. I’m thinking I should try this “MegaYoga” thing.

Caron

I’m off to plug in my favorite yoga dvd. Thanks for the push!

Shannon

Okay, I absolutely cracked up OUT LOUD at this post! My husband thought something was wrong with me! I can SO relate to this and your way of storytelling was priceless! Thanks for sharing!

Liz C

Fat and Yoga do mix… it’s just annoying at first. Keep going! You might even start looking forward to the emotional release each time. Great mental image with devouring Smurfette’s shadow.

Two words on the “involuntary exhalations”–Background Music. Preferably one with either softly “blatting” horns, or maybe bleating sheep. You know, the whole Subcontinent Vibe thing. Perfect disguise for Involuntary Stuff.

OMSH

Angella – Butt plug? Bwahahahaha!

Aileen – Y’know, as silly as it sounds, I might next time say, “Oops, negative toxins.” if that happens again. tee hee *snort*

Mim – That is really cool that your work is providing this. Is it just a sort “sampling” of a local gym or what?

bethany actually – Remember I don’t liv in a big city, and according to Jill – I’m doing a blend of both, so my choices are small. I just wanted a Saturday morning “something” that included stretches. I do like exercising in the semi-dark though. :)

nyjlm – Well, take it from me, you’ll be weepy and feel purged of all *ahem* negative toxins *wink* when you leave there.

Laura/PinkFontGirl – I swear I’m stealing you for my pocket. A “doll?” I’ve never been called a doll before. *smooch*

Caron – You’re welcome – hope it went well for ya!

Shannon – Hey, I gotta tell it like it is, y’know? I read things sometimes and think they sound so idyllic, but my real life? It NEVAH plays out that way … nuh uh!

Liz C – I can’t pick my background music, but I’ve never heard any “softly batting horns” or “bleating sheep” DVDs that would work with the environment. Bwahahahaha! THAT WAS FUNNY.

Now to clean the banana off my keyboard. *snort* *wipe* *bwahahahahaha*

falwyn

I feel exactly the same — I know I could stretch further if the rolls weren’t in the way.

The good news is that after I do yoga (granted, my piddly beginner video, not a real class) I always ALWAYS want to do some more exercise, something a little more cardio-ish. (Not that I usually do, but hey, the desire!) I also want to pray afterwards, if I’m lucky enough that the kids still aren’t awake. This puzzled me until I read how hatha yoga is/was preparation for meditation. Makes sense to me I guess.

OMSH