Ohmystinkinheck

The other day on the way home from dance Meredith and I were talking in the car. She was pouting because it was her brother’s turn to play at her cousin’s house and not hers. I should back up and explain that both my aunt and I have learned that three is not a good number. And though I know y’all are all laughing at me and saying, “Der, Heather!” - I really didn’t think about it until I dealt with three myself.

At any rate, whenever it is just Olivia and Meredith or Olivia and Kenny the playdate runs smoothly (well, as smooth as strong willed, vocally adept children can be when playing together) and all is well in the land of extended families. HOWEVER, whenever there are three of them, the gates of hell open and high-pitched demons pour out, weaving themselves around our three kiddos until we hardly recognize them anymore.

I’ve talked about this type of behavioral issue the last two days. Perhaps my family needs a good old fashioned exorcism. I swear if I wake up and there is a light in my closet, I’m gonna scream, “GO INTO THE LIGHT! RUN! FASTER!!!!”

ANYWAY…

Meredith was in her seat, extending all her anger to the seat belt.

“This thing won’t stop LOCKING UP ON ME!”

“Take it off, let it go all the way back, pull it out again and re-click it.”

“It’ll just DO IT AGAIN!”

“Perhaps, but if you’re uncomfortable it is worth a try.”

Instead of trying it out, she keeps yanking against it and squirming in her chair until she’s squished down so far in her seat that her bottom is nearly up against the passenger front seat, her feet are in the air and her body is twisted and contorted so that the lap belt is about 2 inches from her neck.

“Um baby, that isn’t gonna work.”

“I KNOW!”

I’m driving slowly now, knowing a wreck wouldn’t go well for her. I know she’s at that point where talking only makes it worse and I’m sorta wishing she could just break down and cry and get it over with, but oh no…she hasn’t had a chance to slam a door yet. She MUST slam a door before she can totally and completely release it all.

I listen to her pining from her yoga position - “Now, I’m going to be ALL ALONE!” and “I WON’T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO!” and most specifically that “EVERYTHING AT OUR HOUSE IS BORING!”

I had to chuckle because I was one millisecond from saying, “Only boring people get bored” when she said, “And Momma, don’t say that thing you say or I just might SCREAM!”

My ears couldn’t take it - nor my head, I was appreciative of the warning.

So, I told her, “Hey, I’m not boring - why not hang out with me?”

From the rear view mirror I saw the look she shot me. The look that says, “You might not realize it yet, but you are sooooo not an alternative to playing at my cousin’s house.”

I didn’t take offense. At her age I was always wanting to go here and there. I was an only child - any chance to get out of the house was chased down full throttle.

But, of course I had to chide her.

“Are you saying I’m boring?”

“No.”

“I’m not boring you know. I might not be able to do a decent cartwheel anymore, but by golly I AM INTERESTING.”

She says, “That’s another thing.”

“Oh no, here we go” I thought.

“How come grown-ups don’t play?” she asked.

“Grownups play.” I was perhaps getting a tad bit defensive.

“You call what you do playing?”

“Yes.” - Okay yeah, I’m defensive.

“Momma, that isn’t play - that is sitting and talking or sitting and chatting on your computer, or sitting and drinking coffee. All grownups do is SIT!”

“Good point.” I’m trying to think of something I do that involves standing. I’m coming up short.

“If grownups moved more, they might not get fat.”

OUCH

“Are you saying I’m fat?”

“Well, you say you’re fat.”

“True, but are YOU saying I’m fat?”

“You don’t move much, do you?”

Man, she has some strong points.

Dadgummit, I’m calling my aunt - surely she wouldn’t mind it if I tossed another cousin her way…

Y’know, if I stopped and picked up a muzzle along the way.

19 Responses to “Only boring people get bored.”

1. Carole

   I am sooooo laughing right now!!
   Kids are too smart…we need to do something about that:)

2. bethany actually

   That Meredith is one smart cookie…and like her momma, she is definitely NOT boring.

3. Darla

   ROFL!!!!!!!!!! Aint they special.

4. moobeema

   Oh, how I can relate to this one! Very funny!

5. mommyknows

   Our headmaster always sent us home for holidays with a pep talk that ended with, “a bored person is a boring person to themselves and everyone around them”.

   If we said we were bored as kids my mom ‘always’ gave us housework to cure us.

   I got a kick out of your conversation with Meredith.

   MK

6. Kate

   I’m SO gonna use that saying on my kids! And I too didn’t dare complain of being bored or I was sent to pull weeds, or mow the lawn, or some other manual labor.

7. Liz C.

   Bwahahahaha!

   I giggle as I SIT here. Playing.

   I’ve decided it’s a good thing I’m a generally jolly fat person, because I have a swift 11yo. Someone close to the family said the new baby looks like Mamma (she doesn’t, but it’s fun to pretend), and my Darling Girl popped back with, “Yes, it’s the extra chin.”

   At least she didn’t make it plural.

   Meredith is a sharp cookie. :) I can SEE the yoga/seatbelt conflict.

8. witchypoo

   Ouch. Ask for her help. I think it will improve her attitude and give you a(nother) project to do together.

9. naomi

   nothing to do with today’s entry as i’m immersed in your archives right now, but my husband suggested i tell you about the deodorant stone. he says that they not only work well on armpits (and believe me, they do!) apparently they work well on feet too. just wet the stone (actually, it’s a crystal) and rub it on your feet.

   i really like the stone because not only does it deodorize, but it also prevents that staining commercial antiperspirant and deodorants create. you can get one at nearly any store, but health food stores will most likely carry them if you can’t find them anywhere else.

10. Elizabeth

    Great post. Love it!

11. beachmom

    WOW - it is amazing what comes out of their heads! This made me smile this morning (and that was a tough feat today!!)
    Thanks!

12. Mandy

    This is so my life. My boyfriend always asks me why I get a friend of mine’s daughter every weekend, but the answer is so simple to us mothers. When you have three kids, you need another to balance it out, but not bad enough to make you have a fourth kid!

13. Sparkliesunshine

    Ouch! I can pretty much see myself having this same exact conversation with any future children because if there is one thing I can not stand it is when someone says that they are bored.

    Hmm…she does have a point about adults sitting a lot. My idea of playing is the same as yours.

14. MMM

    Whew-she’s quick with the retorts….just like my LIttle Artist!

15. Michelle

    Wow! LOL…..well, maybe if you had another baby there would be four, that would solve the three problem, and she could babysit! LOLOL!! On another note, everyday on the announcements here at school our sweet counselor always says, “Just do what’s right.” Well, one day we had an extremely upset child and our counselor walked by and the kid screamed “I hate it when you say Just Do What’s Right!” Oh my….how hard to chastise and not laugh.

16. Amber @ Soggy Cheerios

    Kids, you can’t live with them and you can’t tie them up… oh wait.

    She does have a point though- if I moved more I wouldn’t be so fat…

    I hear on the three’s a crowd thing.

17. Kristy

    Hee. Love it!

    She does have a point on the moving thing though. It might explain my current squishy-butt state. For example, today is beautiful, so I took Sophie to the park.

    What did she do?

    Ran, and ran, and ran, and RAAAAAAAN.

    What did I do?

    Sat on a bench and drank some coffee. And cheered her on.

    I did notice that the one Beanpole Mom who was there was right in the mix with the kiddos - just running along from the sandpile, to the swings, to the creek, across the picnic area. Just running right with them.

    It made me feel like I needed a nap, just watching her.

18. Belinda

    Oh, just that title brings the teenage memories rushing back…it was either that, or, “If you’re bored, I’ll GIVE you something to do.” Yipes. To this day, I don’t get THAT bored.

19. Mrs. Wilson

    Um. That made me laugh out loud.

    Hmph. Kids!