Ohmystinkinheck

I said I’d never write a 100 Things about Me post. And? I won’t. Why? Because I can’t think of 100 Things About Me to write. I did think of 50. Lucky you. Feel free to ignore this post.

1. I poop. Many women in the blogging world don’t seem to be able to do this regularly. I do. If I don’t - I drink coffee or a SONIC Cherry coke and then I can. If I diet, I take Citrucel and then I can. But anyway, I poop just fine most of the time. It can only get better after this, right?
2. I pee. I’ve heard of no one in the blogging world that can’t do this, but just in case. Y’know, I can do it. Without help even.
3. I take showers every morning - they last no more than 2 1/2 minutes. I’m not in a race, I just don’t need to scrub everything on my body every single day. I get the face, head, pits, chachi and bum. Then? I get out.
4. I never had braces.
5. I used to make fake braces out of paperclips. I wore them to school in 4th grade to fit in with all my other friends. It backfired. They totally knew.
6. I did the same thing with paperclips to try and look like I had fake nails. Paperclips can be anything you want them to be.
7. I made up my own sign language at a dance recital rehearsal once and tried to convince people I was deaf.
8. At my grandparent’s ranch we had go-carts. I used to be Daisy Duke. I’d wear short shorts and tie my shirt in a knot right under where my breasts were going to be one day and yelled “YE-HAAA!” when I caught air.
9. I once dropped my bible in a toilet at church. I was so scared that I’d go to hell that I snuck it home, locked myself in the bathroom and shorted out my blow dryer trying to get each.page.dry. The pages were always wrinkly after that. I gave the bible to Good Will several years later.
10. My first “real” kiss was in 6th grade, at the movie theater. We were watching Mr. Mom. He was eating peanut M&Ms - it was the nastiest first kiss ever. The boy’s name was Jeff. No, not my husband … another Jeff.
11. Me and a few other kids on my block wanted to smoke. Once we tore and rolled-up pieces of notebook paper, filled them with St. Augustine grass, and lit them up. It burned too fast and made us cough when we inhaled. We were cool like that; no filter and all.
12. My first crush was on a guy named Greg Gross. Yes, that was his name.
13. My second crush was on a guy named Jody B. That crush lasted a while - and then didn’t. I think he’s a youth minister or something now, so I’ll stop with details.
14. I fell next for Kris Campbell; yeah, like the soup. He was the first, and last, guy to crush my heart. I didn’t trust anyone for 2 years after he took his kisses and tight OP corduroy shorts to another girl.
15. Two people have asked me to marry them; I didn’t accept either. My husband never asked me to marry him, though he did ask my dad.
16. No he didn’t ask my dad to marry him, silly. He asked my dad if he could marry me. My dad said yes. Obviously.
17. I hit a girl in the head with a brick once for calling my dad a snot-sucker. We rode the same bus together in elementary school.
18. I was a total daddy’s girl.
19. Several days after having my first child I passed a blood clot the size of a golf ball. Not wanting to experience it all alone I called to my husband. He let me know that we didn’t have to share “everything” in our marriage. I’ve taken that to heart and now I try not to show him everything I pass.
20. I play with and pull out single strands of my grey hair when I get nervous.
21. I used to have a bathing suit with a zipper up the front. I think it was 8th grade. THAT was a big mistake. I spent the entire summer guarding my zipper from stupid boys.
22. I once threw a frozen weight watchers meal at my friend’s head. We were in a fight. Obviously I have anger issues.
23. In 6th grade my best friend, Shelly, knocked me off my feet by telling me that the universe didn’t revolve around me. Wow! That was an eye opener. In walked reality.
24. I have never felt smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, witty enough, or physically fit enough. I’m not the only one.
25. Once at a high school slumber party I ran up and down the street naked; we were playing truth or dare.
26. I hate pimento cheese. HATE IT. It ranks right alongside cooked carrots and asparagus.
27. My first car was nicknamed “The Red Rat”. The previous owner lived near the beach, subsequently, there was a lot of rust. On the way to school one day the back hatchback window fell in. It was not as funny to the 3 girls squished in the back as it was to me. At any rate, I had a convertible after that - sort of. I mean, if I opened the sunroof at the same time it had that effect on the highway.
28. In 3rd grade I asked for a fur coat because my next door neighbor, Stacy, had one and it was so soft, what with the pom poms hanging from the zipper and all. My parents apparently thought I needed a more rugged look. They bought me what can best be described as a wolf vest. It was bristly and ugly interesting. I wore it later for a scene in Little Red Riding Hood. It kept the boys away - very painful, that one.
29. I also asked for a bike when I was young. I envisioned a Huffy with a banana seat and great wide handlebars for pumping my friends. My parents bought me the bike of a 50 year old librarian - complete with book rack and tractor seat. I was mortified.
30. Most of the gifts my parents bought me I LOVED - like that Barbie RV, those professional skates with pom poms and my favorite, the Grease Lightning shirt. Yea, they usually did well.
31. I have, on more than one occasion, prank called someone to ask if their refrigerator was running.
32. I once started collecting pear things just to have “something” to collect, but had to stop because all I was given for 2 years was pear stuff. I no longer collect anything with pears on it.
33. I always wanted 4 kids. I still do.
34. I bought my first pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans after saving nearly an entire semester. My mom went halfsies with me. I ripped them the first time I wore them at a church camp. I wasn’t supposed to take them to that camp.
35. The first time I got drunk was with Kris on New Year’s Day; I didn’t make a habit out of it, don’t worry. It was with Tequila mixed with a Coke from Jack in the Box. That was nasty. I was so drunk that I jumped off the back of his truck’s deck thinking he would catch me, but he was too far away. I hit the pavement with my knees. That was hard to hide when I got home.
36. My favorite music is Country and Western music. It makes me feel all warm and cozy - like I came home. Funny thing is my parents didn’t really like country - well, except for Anne Murray and Willie Nelson.
37. I’ve been told I’m intimidating. I’m not. DO YOU HEAR ME? I AM NOT INTIMIDATING!
38. I don’t like the way I look naked; never have.
39. My last spanking was at the age of 12; I yelled at my mother. I briefly heard what sounded like a stampede raging across the floor upstairs - it was my father - coming for me. He was a good man for spanking me that day. I deserved it.
40. I was about 31 before I understand that I was created to be me. It was freeing.
41. I did not marry my father. I married my mother. I’m not sure how that works.
42. My first baby wouldn’t come out, my second one came along nicely, my third crawled right out of me on his own. I’m afraid if I ever had a 4th, we’d need a catcher.
43. I love Mondays.
44. If the whole world is crashing down around me I either sing or sleep.
45. My 3rd grade teacher nearly had a full mustache. I remember thinking that was gross - and wondering how a woman grew hair on her face. I now know. IT HAPPENS.
46. My Grandma died September 2001. I had never hurt like that before and have never hurt like that since. I know she drove my parents crazy at times, but she held a place in my heart no one can touch. I want to touch my grandkids like that one day. I want to be called Grandma.
47. My husband and my father are the only two men in my life that can hurt me without saying a single word; I can read their faces.
48. I could read on a 6th grade level in first grade. I could do math on a 1st grade level in 6th grade. Go figure.
49. I majored in History in college. I could have majored in either English or Philosophy too - I had equal hours in all of those subjects. No, I really had no idea what I was doing there, but man did I study hard.
50. I remember the first time I saw my husband. He was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen. He still is.

Edited to add: Interested in #51? –> Lego My Egg-o

38 Responses to “Never say never”

1. Ren

   Thanks for letting us know you a little better. I am much better at reading than I will ever be at math, and I my major was history as well, tell me you graduated NBHS in 1985 and I may get completely freaked out

2. MMM

   Oh, I have sooooo many questions….too many, in fact. I loved this. Maybe I’ll do it again soon.

3. OMSH

   MMM - Feel free to write your questions here.

   Ren - No, graduated in 1994 from Texas A&M University in College Station, TEXAS. WHOOP!

4. saj

   I expect the other 50 by tomorrow. stat!

5. Jill - GlossyVeneer

   This was fun, thanks for sharing! Re: the pears…

   I like visiting lighthouses, I think they’re fascinating. One time I bought a photograph of a lighthouse in a storm and hung it in my apartment. Big mistake, people started giving me every cutesy little lighthouse knick-knack that ever existed. Took several years for that to stop.

6. Emily

   I had a big yellow Barbie rv. I loved that thing. It was big enough to sit on top of and ride down the hills in our yard.

7. Nancy

   Loved this! Thanks for sharing. #48 - Same here. :) I think I stayed at first grade math all through high school

8. karen

   #1. Pint or two of Guinness does the trick for me, which is good because Sonics are hard to find up here.

   #5. ME TOO! Except I figured the paperclips were too thick, so I tried staples wrapped around individual teeth. My friends still figured it out. (Ironically, since my adult teeth came in, I’ve had to wear braces three times.)

   #6. Tried that as well. Another friend with bitten nails and I discovered that Elmer’s Glue, dried in the pencil trough of our desks, could be peeled off and licked to stick on our nails for a much more realistic (although not at all durable) effect.

   #21. My mother wouldn’t let me get the zipper-front swimsuit. I hated her for it the whole summer. Now, I suppose, I ought to apologize…and maybe thank her for forcing me to a wiser fashion.

   What fun - great list!

9. Laura/PinkFontGirl

   *giggle* too cute.

10. OMSH

    SAJ - If you knew how long this 50 took me to do, you’d never ask that!

    Jill - Lighthouses? Oh now, I KNOW you get me. Now when anyone asks I say Fiesta Ware … b/c honestly, no one can have too much of that!

    Emily - We probably had the same RV! Mine was big and banana yellow with enough stickers to keep a parent up the entire night before Christmas.

    Nancy - Funny thing is that even though I had to take PRE-college algebra my first year of college, I can still balance a checkbook better than most and am very detail oriented. Almost TOO detail oriented. Abstract math is just for the birds. And percentages? GEEZ!

    karen - we would have totally been paperclip buds. Did you also pour glue all over your hand, let it dry and then peel it off? OF COURSE you did!

11. frugalmom

    Some of those made me laugh. Like really laugh.

    I taped my ears back in like the 6th grade. My whole life I was called Dumbo by my siblings. So, I tried it thinking it would fix it…yeah, not so much.

    I happen to love cooked carrots and asparagus. I’ll make sure to fix them for you when you come to my house for dinner.

    My first baby was pretty easy, second was way too dang long, and the third was just fast.

    I wanted 8 kids, had one and then changed my mind to 2. 10 yrs later decided that I really wasn’t done. Then I had one more.

    I used to work at McDonald’s. For a long time. Somebody made me mad when they came thru the drive thru, so I put dog biscuits on their Big Mac.

    Wow, I could think of lots of these!

12. OMSH

    frugalmom - PEOPLE LIKE YOU are the reason I am soooo nice to waitors/waitresses/fast food workers!

    And *ahem* if you are serving up veggies of the mooshy sort mentioned … I’ll have water. :~)

13. jen

    did you put gum on the ends of your paperclip?

    are you not having a 4th baby (feel free to ig-NORE that!)

    Everybody tells me either I’m intimidating or hard to talk to; or that they hated me when they met me. Gee… thanks.

14. OMSH

    jen - no, er … no gum. Although I did wake up with it in my hair on the way home from a camping trip. THAT was fun.

    4th baby - well, Mr. OMSH got the snip*snip in a very snap*snappy decision back 3 years ago. So … unlikely. We have considered fostering.

    And? I don’t find you intimidating at all. See. Not EVERYONE does!

15. Angie

    This was awesome. As much as you hate doing it, we’re loving reading it!

    #5 - totally did the paperclip braces too

    #12 - I once liked a boy named Danny Roach.

    #15 - umm, did you propose to him? Please explain!

    #17 - a boy once threw a brick and it hit me in the back of the head. He was trying to show off to a bunch of my friends by doing some crazy karate jump and we all laughed when he fell on his butt. I needed 8 stitches.

    Ok, this comment is already way too long. But we have other funny similarities. Thanks for posting this!

16. frugalmom

    You know you can get those snip snips reversed…

17. sherry

    I had one of those zippered bathing suits too. What the heck were we thinking?!

    I laughed about the paperclip braces. I never wanted braces but oh, I wanted a retainer like my cousin. Badly. So I used to take those plastic barrettes with the little metal clasps and break them, then I would stick the metal over my teeth and pretend I had a retainer.

18. Lanna

    #22 - Made me giggle. Dh is looking at me like I’m crazy.
    #24 - Is totally a continuum - you’re kinda like one of my heroes, and witty to boot (although sorry, you’ll never get up to the hero status my grandmothers have).
    #32 - My sister decided troll dolls in elementary school and then a few years later Tweety stuff was cool. My mom’s still finding troll and Tweety stuff in random places in their house - my sister just turned 24.
    #33 and #42 - Is there potential for kid #4? Hmmm?

19. Libe

    I also totally did the staple and paperclip faux braces thing — then when I got them a few years later, I was wishing I could just go back to the staple and paper clip thing agan…

    No 34. cracks me up — I remember in 5th grade I saved up my pennies, nickles and pesos to have enough cheddar to buy a pair of Guess jeans.

    When I saved up enough, I put all the small change in a purse shaped like a koala and then took it — splitting at the seems — to show my Mom. She acted impressed though I”m sure she wanted to laugh me out of the room.
    I got the black acid washed Guess jeans and matching vest. Best. Outfit. Ever.

20. OMSH

    Angie - Danny Roach?! Bwahahaha… you totally have me beat! TOTALLY!

    And? I didn’t propose to him, but I did inform him we weren’t engaged on more than one occasion. Seriously, I think I finally got “asked” via a Garfield card. No, I’m not joking. No, he is not any more romantic now than he is then. BUT! He makes a great margarita and works his butt off around the house. I’ll take the trade.

    frugalmom - I tell Mr. OMSH this everytime we pass those billboards on the way to Houston. He informs me “I’m not letting anyone play with my boys again.” So, um…not likely.

    Lanna - I’m as far from hero potential as you can get, but that hasn’t stopped me telling my whole family today that FINALLY I’m someone’s HERO! Can you please sing that Bette Midler song to me? It’d totally top it off. “Did you ever know that you’re my hero…” Yea, that one.

    Libe! - HELLO! I’m sorry, don’t know why I’m yelling. Guys this is Libe of the me and libe post.

21. coolbeans

    You didn’t read mine. POUT. HRUMPH.

    But look! All these people had something to say about it so there must be something good up there I’m missing.

    IT’S TEARING ME APART!
    (not really hang on)

22. coolbeans

    I had a zippered suit. Black and purple. LOVED IT. I think I was older and nobody would have tried that crap with me.

    Excellent list. I love that he asked your father. Sweeeeet.

23. Lanna

    Well, while I won’t sing unless it’s for a good cause like camp songs, well, yeah, you’re a legend. I started off at MDC (diapering) a few years ago where you were/are kind of a mythical, magical person. Plus I suck at being witty, so I’m automatically impressed with other people that are. :)

24. OMSH

    coolbeans - in an effort to not be a hypocrite I read your WHOLE LIST … didn’t even stop at 50. See everyone! I ADMITTED IT!

    Lanna - mythical and magical. I’m feeling so light and airy … wee!

25. Angela

    Your list was so good. I really love reading these things.

    I have to say I think 4 is a great number of kids. I am the youngest of four and I really like having my 2 brothers and sister around.

26. DaisyCake

    aaah! no wonder I like you!
    Fiesta Ware - check!
    paper clip braces - check!
    love reading/hate math - check!
    I poop! and pee! - check!

    and graduated in 1992 from Texas A&M University in College Station, TEXAS. WHOOP!

27. Michele

    I loved this! I want 50 more! I had planned to comment saying oh! #5, #11,#24! but I found that we share too much in common to go that route.

28. OMSH

    Angela - I keep thinking “WHAT IF WE GO TO SIX FLAGS! SOMEONE WILL BE ALONE!” Yes, I worry about the truly important things in life!

    DaisyCake - WHOOP! It makes my heart pitter patter to know that we’ve walked through the same halls. All I have to say is I am so glad I never have to make another midnight call from Fish Lot and hear, “Texas A&M Dial-a-ride, may I help you?”

    Michele - I’m nodding. I feel the same way when I read your blog. I’m never surprised at your blog entries … always feel akin!

29. Friglet

    That’s a damn good list! When can expect the final installment? ;)

30. Jesse

    My parents once saw fit to buy me this pink as pink can be “fur” coat when I was in 3rd or so grade and this one a-hole kid on the bus teased me all winter about it. I hope one day he got drunk and his frat buddies dyed his eyebrow hair pink LOL.

31. roaringmommy

    I laughed out loud at the dropping your Bible in the toilet story. Funny how silly things make you feel like you’ll go to hell. I once was certain I’d go to hell because I disgraced the sanctity of church by climbing under and over the bathroom stall doors over and over again with my friend, Jennifer. She was the pastor’s daughter and somehow we never got caught.

32. OMSH

    Friglet - I’m honestly not sure I can think of another 50. Maybe I’ll keep a running list. Because honestly I don’t want to do the “My favorite color is ____ .”, “I am ___ years old.”, “I love sour skittles” …. yawn*yawn*boring*stretch*yawn*click off and go read a more interesting blogger.

    Jesse - maybe that is a new meme … what someone did to us and what we wish on them in response. NOW THAT could be fun.

    roaringmommy - My best friend’s mom was the children’s director. I felt like I LIVED at the church. I cannot begin to tell all the stories of the things we did.

33. SmocknMama

    I like cooked baby carrots, but carrot salad is naaaaasty.

    pears? me? chocolate covered cherries - used to love them. got them from everyone for years. after two years of nothing but choco cherries I thought I would puke if I saw a box. to this day - hate them.

34. clearlydistracted

    Great list! I read every one. I could have written 46 (except that I’m lucky enough to still have my 93 year old grandma) and 47. Great writing.

35. a happier girl

    Did the paperclip braces too but the end of the clip always sorted jabbed the inner lip. I found the gum retainer on the roof of the mouth was less painful. And I totally rocked me some professional roller skates with hot pink pom poms and matching hot pink toe stops. Looking back at photos, I consider the matching hot pink laces to be a bit much but the toe stops meant you weren’t just at the roller rink for some birthday party.

36. OMSH

    SmocknMama - I want you to rest in the confidence that I WILL NEVAH EVAH send you a box of chocolate covered cherries.

    clearlydistracted - oh man, hug her at every turn. You are so blessed to have your memories still staring back at you in physical form.

    a happier girl - YOU ARE RIGHT! The toe-stops said it all. If I had known you, we totally would have done the Hokey Pokie while “We Will Rock You!” played and the disco ball did it’s thing.

37. #51. Lego my Eggo-O

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