Ohmystinkinheck

Surely everyone reading here has seen the musical, The Sound of Music, right? Well, here in OMSHville we are all about educating our children on the finer things in life. So, we forced encouraged our kids to watch the musical the other evening. Actually it was very fun and 1 out of 3 children made it to the end without falling asleep.

I must say I was very impressed Mr. OMSH himself made it to the end, because the man ranks musicals right up there with vasectomies.

Folks, he did it for the children.

I wrote my own version of one of the songs, “These are a Few of My Favorite Things”, from the musical. My version is titled, “These are a few of Life’s Obnoxious Things”. After this morning’s events, which involved nearly everything you’ll hear/read in my rewrite, I felt it was fitting.

And besides, how else can I completely embarrass my children?

So, here you go. You can hear me sing it or you can just read it. I’m all about giving choices.

[download song]

These are a few of Life’s Obnoxious Things

Running behind on an early school morning
Buffalo tears as my son starts a’mourning
Pouring down rain as I run to my burb
Splats on my windshield no thanks to a bird

Paying Mer’s dance bill, it’s late once again
Finding I’m locked out of my suburban
Desperately calling the mister for help
Watching the ants while I wait by myself

Chorus

When the tire’s flat
When the meal burns
When I’m feeling sad

I simply remember life’s obnoxious things
And then I feel even mooooooore bad
—————————————-

Nursing a cough and some fever-like symptoms
We’re out of coffee - my biggest addiction
Clothes in the washer have soured from neglect
Clothes in the dryer are not folded yet

Stepping on crayons - dog hair ‘tween my toes
Rounding up toys and a box of legos
Stripping the beds to wash all of the sheets
Scraping off cereal stuck in the sink

Chorus

Finding a tick in my boy’s nether regions
Aunt Flo is coming - buying tampons in legions
Looking for clothes I can wear in this heat
Finding sweaters and other ridiculous things

Can’t get my ring off my fingers are swollen
Wanting to sleep, but I have to keep rollin’
Full loafs of bread that mold in 3 days
Missing out on the good things because of my haste

24 Responses to “Life’s Obnoxious Things”

1. TheAngelForever

   Lots of hugs coming your way and no need to be sorry. My 4 month old just danced while I listened to your song. Seriously you MUST look into writing songs for kids. Adults love Weird Al and how he changes the words, you could be the even better kid or mommy version. I can see it now OMSH in concert. Keep smiling and using your amazing sense of humor and talent.

2. Jamie

   Are you sure you haven’t been hanging out at my house?

   You are TOO HILARIOSU! :) Love it. Hope your weekend is less obnoxious. I agree. You’ve got a career in the making. Weird Al watch out!

3. Kristin

   ummm, America…SHE’S GOT TALENT!! :)

4. Aileen

   **applause**

   Now do The Lonely Goatherd…complete with yodelling. :)

5. Linda

   Our NEXT American Idol??

6. falwyn

   You rock it girl.

   Totally off topic… you live in Texas, right? (Hope I’m not embarrassing myself here.) Yet you say CRAY ON. I think Dooce is just weird.

7. Angella

   Hee! I love this age…where you CAN and MUST do everything in your power to embarrass and torment your children.

   Love it!

   And I think your voice is LOVERLY :)

8. KYouell

   The 2yo & I loved it! His favorite parts were the ends of the choruses where the volume went up. The 4mo whined because her brother was looking at me & the computer instead of her. The hubby just asked if it ever ended. :-( He agrees with yours about musicals.

   At least one of the kids is on my side and loves your singing. We’ll work on the girl.

9. Loralee

   HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! This makes me HOWL in particular because I’ve been in six productions of SOM (Usually as the ancient Mother Abbess. It’s awesome to play geriatrics in your 20’s.)

10. Jill - GlossyVeneer

    I love the Sound of Music. Almost as much as I love your blogging musicals.

11. comfortablycrazy

    clap clap clap clap clap!!!!!
    Encore!!
    You really need to make a cd.
    Not to sound stalerish, but I think I love you. You always put a smile on my face.

12. Aimee

    Absolutely Hilarious!!!! Your voice is amazing too!

13. mothergoosemouse

    That was fabulous. Truly.

14. AbsolutelyBananas

    brilliant… seriously.

15. Laura/PFG

    oh OMSH. you must have been reading my MIND!! i’ve had the day from..the bad place.

    (and i too have once found a tick in my nether regions…)

    i think the “fun” of my day all started when i tried to back my dad’s car into the driveway to show him my driving prowess (he’s never seen me drive..), and, promptly busted his side mirror off of his car by hitting the fence. so that was awesome. and it got even more awesomer from there. but! it’s 11pm, which means i can officially call this day O.V.E.R. and go to bed, and try again tomorrow.

    also, i’m glad to see that i am, in face, not the only one who accidentally forgets about clothes in the washer for a couple of days, until i have to REwash them.

    goodness. i hope BOTH of our tomorrows are better than our today was.

16. Jennifer/The Word Cellar

    You rock! Is it weird tha I pictured you singing that in a peasant blouse and flowy skirt?

17. Heather B.

    And you know, despite the singing, I still think it would be awesome if you were my mom. Odd.

18. Mrs. Wilson

    I think that when my kids are older, I will find great joy in embarassing them. Oh I just can’t wait!!

19. OMSH

    TheAngelForever and Jamie - You guys crack me up. Y’all said, “Adults love Weird Al” and “Weird Al Watch Out!” as if that would be some kind of motivation for me to get jiggy with a Children’s CD? bwahahaha

    Okay, so it kind of worked.
    Who doesn’t like a good, “Just Eat It” fix here and there?

    Kristen - I don’t yet have enough talent to adequately yodel my way through Aileen’s request though. That ScrappyGal is always setting the bar higher. Geez.

    Linda - Did you know our town actually did a localized version of American Idol this summer. It was a riot - sold out at each performance. I was a junkie. *ducking in shame*

    falwyn - Yes, I say CRAY - ON, as in CRAY-O-LUH. Dooce has issues with crayons? Huh?

    Angella - I didn’t get the “rolling of the eyes”, but I will one of these days. And? Thank you dah’lin.

    KYouell - I haven’t even played it for Mr. OMSH yet. He’s been too busy with other things to worry about silly ol’ songs by me.

    I’m glad I entertained SOMEONE in your household though!

    Loralee - You couldn’t get me on stage to save my life. It is much easier to hide behind a computer screen and sing into a AT&T operator’s headphone/microphone combo! HA!

    Jill - GlossyVeneer - I’m sure there are many more where that one came from. I can’t exactly tell you WHEN they’ll arrive. They fester up like a teenage zit and explode without any warning.

    comfortablycrazy - That is such an awesome compliment, thank you. *smoooch*

    Aimee, “mothergoosemouse and AbsolutelyBananas - Thank ya muchos amigos (muchas amigas? muchamitos gringos? muchafritos?) Man, I’m hungry.

    Laura/PFG - How is it that your father has never seen you drive? And? I’m sooooo sorry. That’s, y’know … really awful AND embarrassing, which makes it double awful.

    Jennifer/The Word Cellar - Wait! Did I post the photos too? Oh, phew. Oh wait. There are no pictures … nothing to see here. Move away.

    Heather B. - Bwahahahahahaha. “despite the singing” - bwahahahahaha

    Mrs. Wilson - It is a power only a mother an wield properly. Or is that yield properly? At 1:22 a.m. it is whatever I want it to be! HA

20. moosh in indy.

    The giggle at the end is what did it for me.
    This was friggin spectacular.
    So much more than moosh in Snow White costume awards are in your future, I can sense it.

21. Aileen

    But… but… I wouldn’t set the bar higher if I didn’t think you could do it!! :) I’d be first in line for an autographed CD. Oh won’t you think of the children??

22. OMSH

    moosh in indy - oh I don’t know … getting a Snow White costume award is pretty spectacular. *grin*

    Aileen - I know you only have mine and the children’s best interest in mind *wink*.

23. Laura/PFG

    well, this is my..*gasp* first car :P that i am in town to pick up. i got my license after i moved to florida, and have only *really* been driving for the past few months. and since i only make it here twice a year, he’s never seen it before.

    well, unless when i was 6 and sat on his lap to pull the VW bug into the front yard counts. hee.

24. MammaLoves

    I LOVE it! How do you find the time?!!!