Ohmystinkinheck

In past years, with the gift-giving bug biting at our heels, Jeff and I had a tendency is to get overzealous with purchasing presents for the kids. Honestly, I love finding the perfect gift - knowing full well the smile that will spread across one of my kids’ faces when they unwrap IT - THE THING that I knew they’d love.

A few years ago we slowly began toning down the gift-giving as we witnessed symptoms of what I can best define as “early onset materialism” in our children. It isn’t a disease, it is an effect. The cause? Excessive indulgence from parents. The more they received, the more they wanted. Nothing made them happier than the next gift they were getting.

I’m telling you immediate gratification is overrated.

Fortunately, they were young and their addiction not so strong.

The cure was brutal though - they would get…gasp…less gifts.

What we discovered quickly was that our plan couldn’t be purely applied because not everyone was on board for the “lessening of the gift giving” venture, but at least SOME were. And? We noticed a difference in the kids right away.

It began before the beginning. “Pre-Christmas Clean-Sweep” sent boxes of unused and gently used toys to the local shelter, others to the church nursery, and the trash went off to the dump. We had good discussions about the toys that were purchased quickly or begged for on impulse. The kids began to see that the things worth having were not so quickly gathered - often requiring time or savings to get.

Next, Jeff and I focused on quality and not quantity in our own shopping. By that I don’t mean more expensive, although unfortunately that is often the case, just hardier. Wood over plastic. Imagination-based over digitally-guided. We considered their play and focused on giving them more opportunities to expand their play without the direction of the latest and greatest fad. We didn’t disregard the newest additions to the toy aisle necessarily, they just weren’t the bulk of the list that we made for them and dispersed to grandparents. Video and computer games absolutely have their place in our household, but the balance is being drawn daily.

Finally, it was time for a bit of introspection. Who benefited from the over-purchasing for my children? I realized that no one does. I certainly got a kick from the immediate “serotonin shopping surge” I experienced with each new purchase, but once out the door of the store, I came off that high like a bad sugar rush.

When contemplating a purchase for myself, I ask, “Do I really need this?”, putting it down more often then not when the answer is negative. Do I use the same wisdom when I find a cute shirt, pants, toy, etc…that I’m certain Em, Mer or Kenny would like? Hardly ever.

Less IS more. You don’t have to believe me, but test it and you’ll see. Less allows for higher quality. Less allows for less clutter. Less lends itself to a higher level of appreciation of those things we do have. More to unwrap does not make it more exciting. I watched Kenny one year grow bored of opening gifts and wander off to his room to play with one of the first toys he opened.

Did you catch that? He was BORED with opening NEW GIFTS. Uh huh, that ought to have been a huge wake-up call right there.

The holidays aren’t about the gifts - they are simply a part. I want for it to be a healthy part; a balanced part.

The OMSHman and I are workin’ it.
I’ll let you know how we do.

29 Responses to “Avoid early onset materialism.”

1. Angella

   I am right there with you, sweetie.

   After last weekends toy-fest from the grandparents, Matthew and I were affirmed that our choice to only give a few gifts (Like books, colouring stuff, etc.) is a good thing.

   We just need to get (all of) the grandparents on board :)

2. Ornery's Wife

   I’m glad to hear this since we have chosen to not give any store-bought gifts this year to anyone. We used all our Christmas budget to bring our youngest home for the holidays–a gift for all of us who love him. I made the annual family calendar for all the adults and bought a pair of smartwool socks for my daughter and her beau. It has been wonderful to bypass all the doo-dads and gizmos.

   Merry Christmas to you!
   TM

3. Mrs. Wilson

   I NEED to get my husband to read this. He is MR. CHRISTMAS and thinks that more presents = … more!

   We’re blessed with great grandparents for our kids. They don’t totally over do it.

   This post is wonderful. I think I need to read it again.

4. Loralee

   We were poor as church mice for years and were really frugal about everything.
   We had to be. The gifts for my boys were few and practical. The few “Fun” things were from aunts or grandparents.

   My kids didn’t want for the basics but they were never any real “Extras”. One day, out of the blue I came home with underwear for my kids and a new scarf for each of them and you would have thought that they won the freaking lottery.

   NOT that that is bad, it is NOT, but still…It made me want to be able to give them “More”.

   A conversation put that feeling into perspective.

   I have some very wealthy friends with kids their age. One day I was talking with one of those friends and she said that she would give anything if her kids were more appreciative of the things that they had like mine are.

   They took many things for granted (Like the whole family being able to go to the movies with treats and drinks and popcorn) that my family had to save and save to do.

   It made me glad for a bit. Even though I didn’t choose that for my kids, I think that they are better for it.

   Now that we make more money, my kids have more than they used to now because I can afford to do more than basic stuff that they need. The great thing is that they still appreciate everything because we don’t over do it.

   I would say it is a pretty good balance right where it is.

5. bethany actually

   All we’re giving Annalie for Christmas this year is snow boots and snow pants. She’ll get plenty of toys from the grandparents.

   So, yeah. I’m totally with you on this one. Now if only I could convince my mom that buying Annalie eight different toys is truly MORE than enough, even though she feels like she’s hardly bought anything. :-)

6. Emily R

   I love this post. Way to nip the EOM in the bud. Less is definitely more!

7. Liz C

   OMSH, you are Oh My Stinking RIGHT ON.

   Being stoney broke our whole marriage has had a very good effect on our kids; they really do appreciate small things, and quality counts, as does thought.

   My dear sis-in-law got our oldest an Easy Bake Oven for her 9th birthday (sis and I both “always” wanted one, neither ever got one). My brother, who is a stinker, had the fun idea to wrap the lightbulbs for the oven separately, just to see what would happen.

   DD opened the lightbulbs first, and to stir the pot, Uncle said, “Lightbulbs from Aunt J? That’s kind of a weird present, isn’t it?”

   DD jumped right in the middle of him. “Aunt J KNEW I needed some lightbulbs. Now I can change them in my lamp whenever I need to, and not wait for Mom and Dad to do it. It was a thoughtful gift, and I LOVE THEM.”

   I thought he was going to choke on his mustache, trying to keep from giggling out loud. When she unwrapped the oven, she was silent with awe… then, breathlessly whispered, “I can use my new light bulbs in my Easy Bake OVEN!”

   Then there’s the year our son was four, and asked for a “scrubby thing on a stick for the toilet”. I wanted to know WHY my four year old son wanted a toilet brush… and his answer was, “Well, the hair brushes are too short and my hands get wet.”

   EEEEW.

   He didn’t have to wait for Christmas for the new toilet brush. And we all got new hairbrushes, too. And new tooth brushes, just for good measure.

8. Amber

   AMEN!! We also try to nip this in the bud. I realized one year (about 3 or 4 years ago) that I was buying lots of ’stuff’ instead of ‘gifts’. I stopped. Since then each child gets pajamas from the pajama fairy on Christmas eve, then on Christmas day they get three gifts (the rationalization is that three was enough for Jesus so it’s enough for us) from santa/mom and dad. As we’ve had more kids they now trade names so they’ll get one more gift from a sibling. But for us and our house that’s all. I’ve seen it done where the three gifts are $50 each- but I try to limit spending to about $50 per child.

   Grandparents still spoil- but this year especially we’ve asked them for cold weather clothes that the girls need- or passes to the zoo or the children’s museum. We don’t need more stuff that could be recalled in a month.

   I’m glad I’m not the only parent that limits though.

9. witchypoo

   I have felt this way for ages, and am so glad to see it in print…err…screen.
   Mine always appreciated everything they got, and the first question I ask when something new is coming into the house is “Where are you going to put it?” The last time, the stinker said, bend over mom. Oh well, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

10. Mr. OMSH

    My first awakening in this area was when our second daughter wrote up her Christmas list last year. It only included a toy dinosaur and a pair of blue jeans. In talking about it with her, I realized that she had no clue about all the toys, commercials, and other “must haves” that were out on the market. I trace this back and attribute it to not having cable television. I realized, she was never exposed to all the junk kids are told they need to ‘have.’

    And honestly, it has changed my buying habits/spending of money, and as ALWAYS clarifies the line between WANTS and NEEDS.

11. Linda

    And to think that I thought I was feeling ’scroogish’ this year. I’m not being a scrooge at all … I’m doing the intelligent thing. Everything I have considered buying for any of my heir’s for Christmas has fallen short of my simple test … Do they need it? AND Do we really have room for it? So far … I have yet to be able to answer both of those questions yes … so … to date my heir’s, with the exception of Lil Man’s new shoes … have no gifts under the tree at all … none … nada … and I’m really starting to wonder if they will. Hmmmm

12. Nicki

    I wrote about this same thing on my blog. No kid needs that much stuff. That’s why last year we started giving each kid three gifts each, in remembrance of the Savior. He got three and they meant something…why should our Christmases be different?

13. OMSH

    I’m really enjoying all of your responses and personal experiences. It isn’t that I needed affirmation, b/c I think just watching the kids’ response is enough for that, but it is ENCOURAGING to know others are doing/thinking of doing the same. Thank you!

14. Elizabeth

    Found you thru links.
    Thanks for this post. Everyone needs this reminder, I think. There are so few that have NOTHING at Christmas, why do my kids need more.
    Merry Christmas!

15. C

    Thank you for posting this. I couldn’t agree with you more. Reading through the comments, I am happy to know there are so many others that feel the same.
    Merriest Christmas.

16. mommyknows

    We too are ‘toning down’ the gift giving this year.

    The clutter, the stuff … it is just TOO much!

    A few ’special gifts’ for the kids instead of dozens and with some of the extra $$ we have some family activities planned.

    Merry Christmas

    MK xo

17. Nadine

    Amen to that! Though I find it terribly hard not to spoil our little one, it is even harder to walk around our house and not trip over the many toys. Happy holidays! (And I LOVE the photos! Gorgeous!)

18. jamie

    I totally hear you!!

    I remember Keyzia’s first Christmas, she would have been about 10 months or so? She got SOOO many presents it was absurd. Presents just for the sake of giving presents. At that point, we decided to limit the grandparents to two gifts per child, preferably one of those gifts being an outfit.

    We also only give our kids three gifts… a book, a game and a toy. Christmas Eve they get to open a new pair of pjs.

    This year we had a bit of a hard time, and decided to spend the money on good quality wood toys that we can then build on for birthdays and etc… it was hard to fork out the extra cash this year, but it will be so worth it in the long run.

    Why am I rambling? I don’t know! Merry Christmas!

19. Dad

    OK, that’s it. Mrs. OMSH, I’m taking back that new Corvette I have for you. But as for my Grandchildren, well … I’ll have to think about it a bit more.

    Actually, as usual the OMSH parential wisdom is “right on”.

20. Kim

    Okay… this is only a little exaggerated… I had to try to read this post 4 times before I could actually get through the words. Those pictures are beautiful. Stunning. I have been very grinch-y and lacking any Christmas spirit so far this year but those pictures? Oh my goodness. They make me homesick. They make me all warm and fuzzy. They fill me with that special Christmas love and compassion. And that last one, the last one… well it just kills me with Christmasness. Beautiful.

    You’re post was great too :) A lot of why I’m having such issues with Christmas anymore.

21. Jeanne

    Bravo! I find with all the excitement, it’s really important for us to have some quite time, not stay up too late, or the kids get overwhelmed. Reading books playing board games work well for us. Here’s another good blog post with a good book on the topic:

22. familymclean

    What a great post! From day one Dave and I decided that less was more. Then Christmas happened with all three sets of grandparents and 5 sets of great grandparents. The kids did get board with the gifts and I was perplexed as the where to stash all the stuff.

    This year we decided it had to be a constructive gift and one that could last many years and be added to over time, and gave a strict list to the oddles of Grand and great grandparents…we’ll see how it goes.
    I am terribly afraid of all the materialism too but our family doesn’t care… and my husband sure spoiled me this year;)

23. TheAngelForever

    My husband and I have been trying to do the same thing with Chanukah. We have a limit that we will buy for each of our boys. This year our “big” present for our four year old was tickets to Sesame Street Live for a special night with just him (no 7 month old brother). With that said most of our relatives give the kids more than we do. Still we are trying to teach our little guys the true meaning of the holiday, not the commercial one that our society as adopted.

    Kudos to you for starting the trend with your family and making it work!

24. mommyknows.com » Busy and bothered … - great baby shoes, baby clothes, baby toys, cloth diapers and parenting tips!

    [...] It’s going to be a lean Christmas here this year! We want to make Christmas less materialistic (not to mention my house is overflowing with JUNK)! Nobody says it better than my friend Heather @ ohmystinkinheck! [...]

25. Caron

    I am working on getting the rest of my family on board for this kind of thinking. I have been taking my holiday budget and giving it it to a charity. One year we paid for cleft palate reconstruction for a child. Last year we bought a llama for a family, and this year I’m giving a scholarship to the camp I went to as a kid.
    It feels so much more in step with the real meaning of the holiday.

26. She Likes Purple

    This is great, and my husband and I are already thinking about this. How to keep our future kids from losing sight of the real spirit of Christmas.

27. frugalmom

    I am so there with you on this. Our kids lists consist of the one that Mr. OMSH talked of in his comment. I have noticed as they have gotten older, however, that they are exposed to more materialism in the school and around their peers. So, even when we did not have cable, it still seemed to sneak in. My best memory so far is how the kids love to go on their yearly shopping trip to purchase gifts for the people they have on their list. They make up their lists and then go with Grammy to a local charity driven event which supports the crisis nursery here. They go in with their money in hand and pick out the gifts on their own. The gifts range from like a buck to 6 bucks. All the money goes to the nursery. They get so excited to see the people open their gifts that they have chosen for them…all by themselves. It is what reminds me that Christmas is still about giving. Not just buying.

28. Mizmell

    Enjoyed reading your posts, and couldn’t agree with you more–less is more.

29. KYouell

    I wrote up a whole post about this, with linky credit to you and Amber, but Google is having and internal server error. :-P Hopefully that will get fixed after the interns come back from their break.

    Happy New Year!