Ohmystinkinheck

I’m still growing out my hair.

This is my hair.
This is my hair on grey.
There is no box that can do this for you.
LUCKY YOU.

I’d like to take this moment to say that no demons were hurt in the making of this photo. Post photo shoot I had a short, but successful, exorcism in which “The Eye Glint and Glow” demon was extracted from my face. How did I do this? I turned out (Texans turn “out” lights while the rest of you probably “turn off” the lights, right?) the 4,000 watt bulbs that glow above my mirror and !voila! my innocent, non-possessed eye color returned.

Just to keep it real, and unlike the other day when I had a date, I am gleefully make-up free. I rarely put on makeup if I only have to drop off and pick up kids from school. WHY BOTHER?! And? It is one way I can help to conserve whale blubber and pig anuses.

How else would you be able to get a glimpse of all the dark that normally looms around my eyes? THAT would be an interesting product to sell. “Eye Darkener - made from all natural ingredients ~ A mixture of too much screen time and too little sleep.”

So anyway, the hair? PEOPLE. It is wretched. I hate it. I’m not saying that because I want you to say you love it. Nope, I am saying it because I truly look in the mirror and go … “Oh woman please … CUT.IT!” Not to mention, if it isn’t in a headband (and they are giving me headaches - even the headbands made for adult-sized heads), it requires copious amounts of this stuff.

I’m buying stock in hairspray if you guys don’t vote for me to CUT.IT.

Here’s your chance.
Really.
THINK about it.
Remember that I’m 35 and GREY.
Did I mention how grey I am?

In related news… Kenny and Jeff were talking the other day in the kitchen and Kenny rolled his eyes at Jeff and said, “You’re driving my nuts.” Jeff was certain he didn’t catch that right and said, “What?”. Kenny repeated it. “You’re driving my nuts!” And that’s what I’m telling Mr. OMSH and you people.

With this hair thing? You’re driving my nuts.

47 Responses to “As if a new way of relating to food isn’t enough…”

1. Jeana

   Try a soft, stretchy headband. That should help with the headaches. But can’t you use little hair clips to clip it out of your eyes?

2. Mrs. Wilson

   Whale blubber and pig anuses? Really? Oh that is so gross. Here’s me vowing never again to wear lipstick. And headbands - yup, I have the same problem - go with Jeana’s idea above, works for me - stretchy is good! (In headbands anyway!)

3. Kristina

   “why bother?”

   Well, you will feel better!
   You can buy makeup without pig anuses, so don’t give us that.
   Just a tiny bit of eyeliner as you brush your teeth.

   Get your hair cut PIXIE SHORT.
   I think it would really suit you.

   I once heard a Southern lady telling this story:

   “You may be wearing the ugliest dress in your closet, but always ALWAYS wear matching pretty underwear. Why? Well, because YOU will know. And when YOU know, you act more confident and people find that beautiful.”

   Oh, and if you’re in an accident you won’t be embarrassed with mensa-grandma panties.

4. TheAngelForever

   I recently donated 12+ inches of hair. My hair was too short to pull back into a ponytail and I was miserable (I didn’t want it that short). I never have good luck with clips and things since I have super thick hair.

   I went to Etsy and looked at the reversible fabric headbands there. I bought two to try from Sugar Chic Baby and am in love with them. They fit perfectly, no headaches, don’t slip and are too cute to boot.

   Don’t give up on growing it out if this is truly something you want to do. You know you can do it!

5. chirky

   You need Whoorl’s help.

6. Girl con Queso

   For some reason, I can’t leave a message on the “Gypsy Feather” post, but I’d like to shout THANK YOU!!!! OMG!!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!! I’ve always wanted to name something. And I’ve always wanted a Superhero necklace! And you made both happen in one day. Thank you so so so so so so so much! I’m currently in the middle of nowhere with little to know WiFi, so I just discovered this fantastic thing. I can’t believe it. I’m over the moon. Thank you!

7. Girl con Queso

   I just said little to know. Not little to no. That’s how excited I am. You know?

8. Holley

   I voted for you to keep going. But what I really want to say is…

   AACCKKK Holy Mary Mother of God!! What is that thing on your head?

   You look young and hip with short hair. Go back with what you are comfortable. I love your hair color and can only greive that I will never hair beautiful salt-n-peppa tresses.

   All I have to look forward to is drab, dishwater blonde. Where’s my stylist? Where’s Clairol when you need her? Get me my agent!! This will never work!!

   Wish I could have short pretty hair.

9. Girl con Queso

   BTW, I like your hair as it is right now. Don’t hit me.

10. BOSSY

    Be strong. This too shall pass. Hair is like youth that way. Fecking Ha!

11. Jill

    I’m 40 and going to try showing my gray. I realized I’m not fooling anyone by coloring it. The people I hang around with are my age and they’re probably all gray too. They know I’m gray because they’re either coloring their gray or looking as gray as I do. Why bother? (Now, after the winter blahs come around I may change my mind; it got nicely sun bleached this summer.)

12. jamie

    I so feel your pain. My hair is as short as yours (was) and I always go through the “I’m letting it grow” phase and then….after about 3 months I cave and RUN to my hair lady who chops it again. I just went through this process and last Tuesday I chopped it back off. I too have the gray issues - I’m 27 and if I let my hair grow out, I would be 1/2 gray.

    Oh and the headbands? WORD. I usually put one on when I get home from work and by around 8pm I feel like I’ve been on a medievil machine where they crank it, little by little on my head.

    Like I said - I SO feel your pain. My advice? Stop torturing yourself and get it cut. I’m probably stepping out on a limb b/c obviously everyone else thinks you should keep growing it. But, that’s just my opinion. :-)

13. Loralee

    I love this photo. I think you look absolutely beautiful. Your hair is so wavy and gorgeous with the sweet red ribbon and I would kill to look this good in no makeup.

    You’re just really pretty. Up there with Cameron Diaz in my book. (And I love her, so I don’t say it lightly.)

14. SmocknMama

    Ya, know. I’m biased. I’ve been growing mine out since before I had BairnoBaby and I hate mine and am going to CUT IT in just a few weeks!!! Yay me!

    I’ve been letting mine grow to try to save money, because I need to and when it’s short it must be cut often, and because no one in this here podunk town knows how to cut hair decently. I have finally found my hair angel (I think). I spoke with her today and she wants to “get to know” my hair (sounds kinky doesn’t it). That is what I’ve been missing: someone who will pay attention to the stuff my hair does and cut it accordingly.

    I am tired of headbands - hate the headbands (even the stretchy kind); I feel homely when I wear them. I love the idea of longer hair that I can do something with, but it ain’t gonna happen. I don’t have support or the honest responses in my life, so I am going with what makes me feel good - short’n’sassy, wash’n'go.

    My hair is my matching undies, LOL!

15. mommyknows

    I am with you on the make up thing. I rarely wear it! I think it is unfair (and kind of weird)that we women have to ‘paint’ our faces in order to appear that we care about and / or take care of ourselves.

    BUT, I like your hair better longer. GO. HEATHER.

16. Tanya

    I think you should keep growing it out -speaking as someone who has done this many, many times. Plus, I think you would look SO cute with a nice bob, especially with the complete awesomeness that is the color of your hair.

17. Emily

    A pirate walks into a bar and sits down at the counter. The bartender notices the pirate has a steering wheel in his pants and asks the pirate why it’s there. The pirate replies, “Arrrr. It’s drivin’ me nuts.”

    I hope my hair greys as beautifully as yours has.

18. Laura/PinkFontGirl

    EMILY WINS! ^^^

    best comment EVER.

19. bethany actually

    I think you look lovely with your hair as it is, but if it is driving your nuts, then lady, CUT IT! Like, yesterday! We your readers don’t have to deal with the headband headaches and AquaNet residue on every bathroom surface, so stop letting us vote and just go hack it off. :-) It will feel awesome.

20. Aileen

    I voted for the second option so you can’t be annoyed with me!! Mostly because I feel sorry for you. :(

21. whoorl

    Heather, I think you look absolutely fantastic with short hair. It’s hip, spunky and compliments your personality perfectly. I say, CUT IT. (Dear majority, please don’t hate me.)

22. KYouell

    I also voted that you should cut it off. I’m going to. I don’t care if he said it during an intimate moment, it counts and I now have permission to go cut off this stinking hair! Join me?

23. Gina

    You know, do what makes YOU happy.

    But at the same time, it’s long enough now to be cut in to some sort of style. Google some short hairstyles and see if there’s something you can live with that may make it easier to grow out.

24. Nicole

    I think you should cut it. I love the way it looks in the photo. I also think the short pixie cut makes you look a lot younger. I am jealous of those of you that can pull off those super cute short cuts. I cannot.

25. moosh in indy.

    Grow it, I think hair your color is elegant and quite lovely. And I’m not just saying that to get in your good graces.

26. MR. OMSH

    Hey, since I’m driving my son’s nuts, I might as well drive my wife nuts too….GROW IT BABY!

    Regarding the vote: The masses have spoken…

    Why do you keep asking the same question in spite of getting the same results? You know that’s one of the definitions of psychotic, right? Speaking of psychotic reminds me…I have an idea for a new website of mine…www.mr-psycho-omsh.com [tagline: Where the real truth is preached!]

    Just teasing. I love your hair. You know that. Keep it growing; make lots of locks-of-love. Or is it lochs? I never know.

27. OMSH

    Jeana - I do use hairclips. Okay, I TRY to use hairclips … and then I laugh and think I’m trying to look 13 and desperately need someone to show me how to do it all.

    Mrs. Wilson - I know, right? I found that on a random Google Search when looking for “bat dung in lipstick?” b/c THAT is what all my friends used to say in Intermediate. bwahahaha

    It probably is/was/might not be true.

    Kristina - That post was so full of good advice I don’t know where to start. For one, I do wear make-up, just only sometimes. I like lip gloss and cover up and all that - but I like facetiousness more … so I gave in to the pig anuses.

    I also like my granny panties and I’ve specifically made notes on them in case the doctor’s need help when I get in an accident one day (notice I said “when” and not “if” b/c I KNOW it is inevitable).

    TheAngelForever - What? No Etsy link? I’m an Etsy addict. LINK PLEASE!

    chirky - I just saw that in my Google Reader! :)

    Girl con Queso - DANG! I almost gave your necklace away to the 2nd runner up … glad you showed your face finally! :) *wink*

    Holley - You said: “Wish I could have short pretty hair.” and well, me too. The masses have spoken though and I have vowed to give you guys full control.

    Mr. OMSH wants to kiss all y’all’s purty feet too.

    *grumble*grumble*

    BOSSY - Once I can get into the “braid it all the way back and never have it touch my face” phase, I’ll be fine. This too shall pass. This too shall pass (my new mantra).

    Jill - I colored my hair from about 23 ’til about 28 or 29 (I think) when I finally realized I didn’t care that much. I mean, yea, sometimes I feel like a granny instead of a YOUNG woman, but then again, sometimes I feel 12 too. GO GREY. Then we can whine together.

    jamie - You must have a big head just like me. We big heads have to stick together.

    Loralee - You won the prize tonight. Cameron Diaz. The good Lord must have plopped you right down in my comments b/c THAT is one way to make a gal feel speeeeeeeeeee-shuuuuuuul! *smooch*

    SmocknMama - Your hair is your matching undies. WELL THEN you should be good wreck or not!

    All the support in the world still doesn’t blow dry your hair for you in the morning. Be sure to post a pic of your new doo! Do? Deu? Whatevah!

    mommyknows - really? better? better than that cute “fly by night” haircut? Geez, you people are killing me.

    Thanks for the honesty. Of course if I had YOUR HAIR I’d definitely stick with long!

    Tanya Hmmm … a bob? After reading yours and Gina’s comments, I think I’ll talk to my stylist about what I can do to make it look cute NOW. As in RIGHT NOW! As in, at 12:39 in the freakin’ night!

    Emily - YOU ARE THE QUEEN. I’m gonna have to agree with Laura/PinkFontGirl and say THAT is hysterical!

    Bethany Actually, Aileen and Whoorl … bless you, bless you, bless you … now come on over and drug Mr. OMSH and then force the rest of these readers to think JUST LIKE YOU!

    KYouell - Nice to have you home from vacation and sorry about my 4 Day comment policy. I know, I’m a pain like that. I just don’t want conversations going on and on and on and on.

    ANYWAY … I figure anything said during an intimate time is REALLY MEANT even MORESO than at any other time.

    Yooohoooo … Jeff!

    Nicole - AND IT IS IMPORTANT TO LOOK YOUNG. Especially now, when I round to 40. eek!

    moosh in indy - I have one thing to say to you tonight after the site fiasco … BREATHE IN - BREATHE OUT - BABY STEPS!

    heh heh

    Mr. OMSH - It is fitting that just as I’m talking about manipulating you during an intimate moment you pop up and start talking about being a psycho.

    That certainly puts a damper on things on my end.

    I know you love my hair. I KNOW. I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.

    Tell me again.

28. Angella

    YOU CAN DO IT!

    It’s a tough stage, but once you get through it it will be worth it :)

29. TheAngelForever

    From one Etsy addict to another. Here’s the link to Sugar Chic Baby’s shop:

    http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=38121

    Enjoy!!!!

30. Emily R

    My feeling on the Crystal Gale is that it would interfere with bidness. Be safe - be sanitary.

31. OMSH

    Angella - It seems the choice has been made. heh heh Thanks for the encouragement though. Sending “Huggles” - I heard from Vanessa that is what you guys do over there in Canada land.

    TheAngelForever - oooooooooooooooh! Thank ya missie!

    Emily R - Bwahahahaha. And bidness is GOOD!

32. Meg

    How about a little color as it grows out? Just something temporary, for a little change…

33. Dawn

    I REALLY do like it!!!!! Embrace your grey! Have you tried the elasticy headbands? They are WAAAAY easier on the noggin!

34. Carole

    Oh Hun…do what makes YOU happy.

    If it is driving you crazy, cut it to the way YOU like it.

    I will say this, If I could wear my hair like yours, I would in a second!

    You are beautiful, and the length of your hair will not change that.

    XO!
    Carole

35. Rocks In My Dryer

    I think you’re adorable. And I voted for you to cut it back to short, but that’s just because I’m partial to short hair–truth is, I think it looks great just like it is.

    Always helps me to have my hair gal just thin it out a bit–does that help you?

36. frugalmom

    I said crystal gayle it…but that is only because I am in the same boat as you. I am going for a great cut, but am getting antsy and bored along the way.

    The hairdresser says…just add more product…I dont like product. Its sticky and yucky…I like to be able to run my fingers thru my hair, let the wind blow thru my loverly locks…..

37. 180/360

    First timer here-
    I’m a little late in commenting, but I love it short and spiky! I wish I could do that with my hair but I don’t look good with short hair.

    I’m personally not a huge fan of grey and take all measures to cover mine up- the black circles and bags under my eyes age me enough.

38. Lanna

    Soft stretchy headband.

    As for cutting it, I’m not a good one to ask because next week I’m taking the plunge and getting my hair cut shorter than it’s been in 15+ years (yes, even my sister was shocked).

    But, I refuse to do anything where the hair on the top of my head is shorter than 3 inches. I’m only 28, and have no desire to look like my own mother yet. She’s had short hair for as long as I can remember, and she actually looked better (in photos) with longer hair. Now it’s been so long that I think she’s afraid of change, so short it stays.

39. EGE

    I live (and grew up) in Massachusetts, and I used to always say “shut the light” — until I wrote that somewhere and was told it made no sense. So I shut that person.

    PS I grew my hair out just like you are and I remember the stage you’re in. In case it helps, it’s been three years now, it’s really-really long now, and I think I’m gonna cut it off again. Everybody’s telling me not to, but I shut them.

40. Peggy

    Well alteast now I don’t feel so embarrassed and alone in the fact that I was up until midnight the other night asking Google why the hell I have so much grey hair when I’m only 31 years old!!!

    I plucked atleast 40 of them out but any more than that and I’ll be bald. I’m not happy!

    P.S. I see you are going to Blogasm. See ya there!

41. Joy T.

    Came from A Pioneer Woman because I love the look of her new design and am looking for something new for my own blog and here I end up voting AND reading entry after entry. Great blog!

42. comfortablycrazy

    I agree that you need whoorl. But hurry she’s booking up pretty quick.

43. ByJane

    Just read through your last 97,000 posts–all the way back to BlogHer. Wanted you to know that your session was the best evah for me. I’ve now got four sites going on GoDaddy…on to WordPress next.

44. OMSH

    Meg - Y’know, I colored my hair for a very long time, denying the existence of my shroud of grey, but since then I’ve given up trying. Maybe that makes me a tad lazy or maybe it makes me just a whiney baby … I’ll let you guys be the judge of that. ;)

    Dawn - Thanks and no, I haven’t tried the elasticky (sticky?) headbands, but now that I have a link, I’m gonna!

    Carole You’re a sweety. I kinda want the OMSH man to look at me and go “Groowwwlll” heh heh.

    Rocks in My Dryer - After I read this I did just that! I had it thinned a bit last night and it does feel less … uck.

    frugalmom - I don’t like hair product either. Blech. But, I do use it b/c I have to tame this mane somehow.

    180/360 - You know, I had a man in our church body once tell me he didn’t like short, grey hair while STARING ME IN THE FACE. Needless to say his wife was turning a bright beet color right next to him. :)

    Lanna - My momma? She’s a beauty. If I could cut my hair and look anything like her I would. :)

    I’m doing that stretchy headband thing though - you guys have me convinced it’ll reduce my Advil intake.

    EGE - When we were at Ft. Gordon in GA, I had a friend that said “cut the light”. :)

    Peggy - Nope, not going to blogasm. When they were talking about putting it in July I knew I had to commit to it or BlogHer and if I can go back to BlogHer, I’d prefer that. I LOVED IT. I need to get over there and find out how to get off that list.

    Joy T - Well thank ya. I finished up (with some minor things she still wants) her blog last night in the wee hours. Importing her slews of comments was a feat in and of itself! Thanks for the compliment and glad you’re here!

    comfortablycrazy - Whoorl has already spoken. She said SHORT and SWEET. Now she needs to speak with my husband who says LONG and LOVELY.

    byjane - Blogher was fun and it rocked that I got to play a part in helping a number of you guys move on over to the good stuff! :) I hope they ask me and Jess again!

45. go ye forth and labor

    [...] ← As if a new way of relating to food isn’t enough… [...]

46. Lanna

    “My momma? She’s a beauty. If I could cut my hair and look anything like her I would. :)”

    My mom looks more like a rotund pixie with gray/white hair. :)

47. strider

    Hey–I am 35 and TOTALLY WHITE. The streak was first noticeable in 5th grade. By college it was a funky stripe that people thought I put in there on purpose. Pregnancy #1 put me into the heavy salt-and-pepper range, which was agonizing. Pregnancy #2 swung me all the way over into pure silver. I get compliments all the time. Embrace your white hair–it can be a good thing! :-D