Ohmystinkinheck

…or are these videos just a way for overweight women given to excessiveness to feel validated?

A friend of mine sent me a link to this YouTube video (below). I’ve watched it now three or four times. It’s catchy, relatively fun to watch, and has given me something to chew on. I’d like to discuss it. Watch it and let’s talk.

First, I’m nothing if not methodical, so before I jump into a discussion on true beauty, I want to give the Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) definition.

Beautiful:

1. having beauty; having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind: a beautiful dress; a beautiful speech.
2. excellent of its kind: a beautiful putt on the seventh hole; The chef served us a beautiful roast of beef.
3. wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying.
4. the concept of beauty
5. (used with a plural verb) beautiful things or people collectively (usually prec. by the): the good and the beautiful.

There are a few other definitions that are phrased differently, but with the same meaning.

Drawing just from the definition above, I’m going to say that yes, some big girls are beautiful, just like some trim and healthy girls are beautiful.

Maybe this tall lanky guy singing this song likes his girls big. Maybe he just wanted to create a popular video - and with the increasing number of overweight women in this nation, I’m sure this has been a popular video. We (and I’m including myself in this) want to feel beautiful regardless of what the scale says. We want to feel attractive. We want to think someone looks on us and thinks, “Yea baby, that’s what I want.”

The reality is that we’ve reached this point - this point of being overweight - and whether we’re striving to lose weight, not given it much thought, skulking in our skin, or already given up the fight, WE ALL STILL WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL TO SOMEONE.

Am I wrong?

Is there an overweight woman out there that can honestly say, “I don’t care if anyone sees beauty in me?”

I haven’t met one - and I’ve had this discussion with MANY women.

Now, if we’re overweight women we might stand up and say, “I’m proud of who I am. I don’t care that I’m overweight or obese. I may be overweight, but I have a huge heart. I am good to my friends and family. I am active in my church or community. I am recognized in my work. I do not have any health issues. Being overweight has not been an issue for me.”

Okay.

I agree that you can be proud of who you are, have a huge heart, be good to all, actively serving, recognized as a solid worker, and not have any major health issues, BUT I DO NOT BELIEVE that you are proud of being overweight. Is there anyone that can say I AM PROUD of being overweight?

Remember. I AM OVERWEIGHT. I am speaking straight from the life and heart of an overweight person when I say, “I don’t believe you.”

That’s why videos like the one above are so popular now. We want to be validated IN SPITE OF our weight. I believe that’s what spurred on this popular YouTube video.

This is where I’ll probably get flamed. This is where someone will jump in and say that just because I am full of self-loathing does not mean I can project it upon all other overweight women. I’m not and I don’t. This is when the fat and supposedly proud will jump in and say,”My man loves my extra rolls and so do I.” This is when someone will say they are overweight, but healthy, and not recognize THAT is an oxymoron.

Please hear me. I am not saying overweight women lack value. I am not saying that overweight women cannot be beautiful. I am not saying anything negative about who we are, what we do, what we can become, etc… I am saying that it is a reflection of our lack of self control and discipline, plus our growing waistlines that there are videos to validate our excessiveness.

I see videos like these as a way to justify continuing in destructive behavior.

And again, I UNDERSTAND THERE ARE SOME medical conditions that are beyond some women’s control, but that isn’t the majority of us - not by a longshot.

If given the opportunity to not be overweight - to trade in fat for trim and healthy - I bet few to none would say, “No, I’d rather be overweight.”

What do you think?

52 Responses to “Are big girls beautiful?”

1. Deanna (domestic chicky)

   I think you can be ok with how you look, and rock what your mama (and a healthy dose of Sara Lee) gave you, but truly content with having a hard time finding flattering clothes, and being on the receiving end of disparaging looks and judgemental assumptions? Um….no.

2. Just A Girl

   I agree with a lot of what you are saying and I think everyone, no matter your shape or size, wants people to think they are beautiful, I know I do, whether my butt is a little big or not! But what classifies a “big girl”? Do you go by celebrity standards because if we do I am an elephant in a crowd of tall, skinny giraffes.

   I know that I have some “work” to do but I don’t want to be super skinny. I don’t want to poke my boyfriend with my ribs every time I get close to him – but I also know I don’t want to continue being as big as I am - I want to be healthy, I want to be fit and I can handle a few extra pounds on my frame as long as they are dispersed evenly enough that they are easy to camouflage.

   I don’t know if the video (artist’s name is Mika btw, its from his album Life in Cartoon Motion) is meant to tell people he likes big girls, or to sing a catchy tune but I think it tells us that we all have the capacity to be beautiful.

   I think that confidence is beautiful and once you have the confidence to love your self and see the beauty that you yourself possess you will automatically draw other people to that beauty and you will be happier for it.

3. Gidget

   Well, ok, here goes…beauty has no more correlation with weight than it does with height or eye color. Most importantly, it is in the eye of the beholder, truly, and secondarily there are strong societal norms around beauty. As an example, there are many cultures that prefer a woman to be on the lusher side and many times in history when that was a general preference as well.

   The issue here has nothing to do with weight, it has to do with self-love. I know what I speak of, I spent a good portion of my life thin enough that I had visible bones, and good portion seriously overweight.

   Was I unhappy when I was extremely overweight? Absolutely - less energy, health issues, lack of clothing options, very self-concious, the list goes on.

   However, I have noticed that several people who have blogged about weight struggles have bravely articulated some very horrible negative thoughts about themselves, and that is something I don’t quite understand. I know I overeat because I am massively addicted to carbs and sugar, and that is just that. I’m not ugly, a pig, hideous, lack self-control, etc, it is just a fact.

   I do not know if I am articulating my point well on this issue, but I guess what I am trying to say is that you can only do good things for yourself when you love yourself and treat yourself well. That sounds trite but is huge. I have alway thought I was attractive at 140, 180, and 230 pounds (am 5′11″). Maybe not everyone else agreed with me, but screw them, this is my life and I have to love me.

   You are clearly a beautiful, intelligent woman but this statement is very troubling:

   I am saying that it is a reflection of our lack of self control and discipline, plus our growing waistlines that there are videos to validate our excessiveness.

   If someone wants to celebrate beauty in any form, why work to find negativity in it?

4. Angela

   Amen. I’m pretty agreeing. All sizes can be beautiful but anyone that is truly content with their size is rare. And yeah I’d question the true motivations for people saying they are happy being overweight. I know I’m overweight and not as healthy as I need to be.

5. BOSSY

   Bossy’s been weighing this (no pun intended! swear!) since the last time we were all over here talking about this…

   Because here’s the thing Bossy keeps coming up with: Do you know how they say that rape isn’t about sex? It’s about power.

   Well “body image” isn’t about thin or fat - it’s about each of our “self image” - it’s about your preconceived notions about what you should look like and conform to based on a set of your own givens.

   This is why it should be easier to forgive the thinner girls when they start carrying on about their flaws - because it doesn’t matter how many people in a room dismiss one’s flaws — this is the “self image” at work.

   Here’s the thing: A woman who thinks she is beautiful, who owns it from the inside out, is absolutely radiantly beautiful– and it really doesn’t matter the size and we all know it’s true because we have seen that woman.

   And the rest of us who project “a work in progress” (and god forbid don’t look until that work is complete), we are missing out on loads of dancing-in-the-street fun.

6. Gidget

   Amen, Bossy, that is what I was trying and failing to say.

7. ValleyGirl

   I agree with you 100%. A validation of excessiveness — you’re exactly right. And saying, “that’s just who I am” is the same thing. Like that somehow makes mistreating our bodies okay.

   I’m overweight, too, and I’m trying desperately to change my attitude about what I’m doing — and your post about selfishness was the catalyst. This one fits right in there. My weigh-in post will be up Wedneday morning and I hope it’s okay with you if I quote you yet again.

8. zoe

   i couldn’t see the video…but i would sell my soul to be thin again…

9. Kim

   I’ve been normal weight, grossly overweight when not even pregnant, dangerously thin and normal weight again. Beauty is in your soul. It’s not in your appearance or housed in fat cells.

   We’re too hung up on exterior factors. We need to focus on being healthy and content. Those 7 deadly sins are straight from the Devil’s own hell.

   If you want to read my story, shoot me an email and I’ll send you the link and password.
   http://www.LadyBugKim.com

10. melanie

    Aren’t we all free to have our likes or dislikes, as long as we aren’t harming others? I love tall skinny underfed geeky looking guys. I don’t see anyone making fun of them.

    I am overweight. I find it hard to look at myself in the mirror. Maybe if i felt more validated in my life, this would help me melt away the inches. I would find myself feeling more inclined to eat the right foods, instead of enjoying something that isn’t good for me under the guise of, no one cares about how I look because I am overweight.

    Promoting it as an “attractive lifestyle” may not be the solution. But being proud of yourself, despite your size, is. Finding a happy medium before tearing one down may be a good stepping stone for an overweight person to take.

    just a thought, and thoughts lead to actions. I prefer to be positive, as those are the only moments when I accomplish the things that make me a better person. Fat or not.

11. Leigh

    OMSH - I agree with you. Period. I actually cried towards the end of that video b/c I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. Gidget and Bossy, I agree with you too about self-image - but I know that when I am heavy, my self-image is terrible. I am NOT happy with myself when I am big, and I do not see myself as beautiful.

    I am thankful that I have a hubby who loves me and says I am beautiful no matter what - who, when I was thinner and still obsessing about the petite little women around me, told me that he chose me for ME, not some other little thing that would break if he touched her. But it doesn’t help that I have to ask if he still thinks I’m beautiful….

    I don’t know what I’m trying to say with all of that. I am ashamed of myself when I am heavy, and I do not see myself as beautiful. Period.

12. Meg

    What Bossy said! It really does radiate from the inside. The “work in progress” approach causes us to project low self-confidence, which is a turn-off. High self-esteem and confidence, however, is attractive and yeah, sexy. Bossy’s “woman who owns it from the inside out” has high self-esteem.

13. Jenny from Chicago

    Loved the video…wished the girls could dance, though. It’s a dance song along the lines of “I like big butts”. Nothing wrong with expressing your interest in a catchy little tune. I don’t think it’s a validation, or even a social commentary. I think it’s just got a beat you can dance to.

14. JanB

    I liked the song, loved the video, but I had a couple of thoughts, one was that the other men in the video looked disbelieving or even maybe a little disgusted by his attitude and I think that speaks volumes. The other thing is that most of the ladies were not what we would call obese, except for at the end. Most were just in the overweight range.

    I think that the current perspective of “beauty” depicting 14 year olds with about 4% body fat is so skewed, but I also think that this video would not be so striking if his attitude was not so foreign to people in general.

    My husband has loved me no matter my size, but once when we were having problems, he sat next to me in a room with a marriage counselor and said, “I will just say it, when I look at her, after her gaining so much weight, I feel like I am looking at my mother.” (She weighs over 400 lbs). I was shattered and I am under no illusion that he found me hot and sexy when I was 272 lbs. At that point, I was the only game in town, since he wasn’t cheating on me, and occasionally he felt the urge for sex, but most of the time his eyes were closed.

    Frankly, while watching the movie, I felt, no matter my size, I would be attracted by the singers attitude, no matter what he looked like. Does that make sense? Can I post this video on my blog too?

15. C

    Personally, I feel my best (and most beautiful) when I am doing what I know is best for me (physically, emotionally, etc.)even when it is difficult.
    A side effect of making those good choices has been better health (physically and emotionally as well).

16. Mrs. G.

    The guy in this video is such a derf I had difficulty even focusing on the women around him.

    You know, I could easily lose thirty pounds, but I feel beautiful. I actually look in the mirror and, most days, feel like I’ve got it goin’ on. Would I like to drop some pounds? Yep. As we speak, I’m jogging three times a week and on WW. Would I like a firmer ass and perkier breasts? Of course.

    But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten more comfortable with myself and that has made all the difference. I look at photos of myself in my twenties and I remember when the photo was taken feeling fat and unattractive. And I was gorgeous! I’m not doing that anymore. I’m working what I have and being kind to myself, because I know FOR SURE that if I’m alive in twenty years, I’m going to look at picture of me at this very time, and I’m going to think “damn…I was hot.” Life’s too short. I’m going to enjoy it today.

17. witchypoo

    The older I get, the more I see beauty in all I behold. It has finally come to seeing my own beauty, and I am liking that. Owning it from the inside out. YES!

18. witchypoo

    P.S. I am tipping the scales at about 210 right now.

19. Loralee

    My friend and I debate the motivation of this video as well. We can’t tell if its stinging or sincere.

    Personally, I have always seen things like this as attempts to apply some tiny balm on the gaping, self-inflicted emotional lashes we give ourselves on a continual, ceaseless basis.

    That doesn’t only apply to heavy women, though heavens knows that comes with an enormous pricetag emotionally.

    No, excessiveness shouldn’t be excused, I don’t think that it is ok to mistreat your body (And I suck at this). It’s just that I don’t ever totally believe the obese who say the are 100% happy with themselves, but seriously? I know that for the most part they are hard enough on themselves.

    Frankly, it usually makes me happy to so something somewhere to combat the onslaught of things that tell us we aren’t and never will be, good enough.

    P.S.
    LOVE MIKA. LOVE HIM. (Listen to “Lolipop and Love today, which is my favorite.)

20. Rain

    The gals in the video are mostly tall and well proportioned. Short overweight gals like me do not look like that! I have great self esteem, but I still don’t like how I look and feel 30 pounds overweight. I don’t think that having good self esteem means that we love every aspect of ourselves good or bad. If I was addicted to crack instead of food (and I’m only talking about myself here) would it be ok to think - I love myself as a crack addict so it’s all good? No matter how good someone’s self esteem is, I challenge them to say that they don’t mind having trouble bending over or having sore feet because of carrying the extra pounds or having trouble getting clothes that look great and that they do notice their weight when they see themselves in a group picture. And none of those things have to reflect whether or not we think of ourselves as awesome, smart, funny, etc. I don’t like that I’m bitchy when I have PMS either, but that doesn’t mean my self esteem isn’t good. Just because I want to lose weight doesn’t mean I don’t like myself…ok - I’ll climb off my soap box now!!

21. Dad

    OK, I’m Mrs. OMSH’s Dad and I have something to say right here and now … ladies. I absolutely cannot stand by another minute without adding my two cents.

    Not a single one of us, male/female/fat/skinny/or whatever does not have something we struggle with in life. I know skinny women/men who live like they are fat and fat women/men who live like they are skinny. Most of them hate what they see in the mirror.

    In this life, we truly have life only when we stop struggling and live. So many people stop living to keep living. Yes, moderation in all things is necessary but never stop celebrating the days God gives. The days, weeks, months, years pass too fast to not enjoy each one. Start today enjoy “you” and treat yourself to what you will celebrate tomorrow.

    This video is (Sorry OMSH) crap. I don’t think it was produced for any other reason to pretend to like “big” women, and to drive hits on YouTube. Either way, I think its wrong because it shockenly draws attention to a woman’s size and not who she is really. Why else dress her to draw attention?

    You, my dear, are beautiful. You have given your Mom and me, 35 years of joy. It is our privilege to get to watch you grow up into the woman you are now. You give us Mr. OMSH who is giving us three adorable grandchildren. Your “light” Mrs OMSH shines so bright we saw it from Chicago and could not wait to move to Texas to be close to you. How on earth can a woman as BEAUTIFUL as you think she is anything but?

    Weight is just a number on a scale. Yep, it affects both health and self esteem. Yep, it is a challenge to control. And yep, it is blantantly out there for all to see. Uh, that’s it, isn’t it?

    So hear this because this is what I see and know? A beautiful lady who makes my heart sing. A beautiful woman serving the Lord I love in so many ways. A wonderful mother who loves “my” grandchildren and even Mr. OMSH. And most of all the one person God gave us to love. And we do Mrs. OMSH, we do. You are beautiful, never forget.

    Dad

22. Rain

    Dad - I love my husband, but I think I may leave him and try and convince you to run away with me…

23. Kim

    I may have to fight you Rain!

    I went to a nudist camp when I was younger. I was in pretty good shape, but fairly self-conscious about baring it all. Let me tell you. There was not a single naked person that had it all. Something either wasn’t in proportion, didn’t hang straight or wrinkled where it should have wrankled. Convinced me we can all find something to drag us down. Naked we are all humbled. LOL, keepin’ it real.

24. Jess

    I love what you said about the video validating our excessivness AND I love what Bossy said about needing to be OK with ourselves as work in progress - All that to say, there was a season in my life when some people may have considered me “beautiful.” Please do not look up my blog now and go, “HA…yeah right.” I’m telling you -those days are gone to all except my hubby. But, I didn’t feel beautiful even when boys where telling me I was. I felt insecure and inhibited constantly. It took real, committed, constant, unwaivering love from another to help me FEEL beautiful. Now I do, even though I’m not - or I mean, I am… sort of.

25. wookie

    This is when someone will say they are overweight, but healthy, and not recognize THAT is an oxymoron.
    Actually, there is a LOT of evidence that supports that very belief. Being ACTIVE is what makes you healthy, not your weight.
    It’s not an oxymoron. I run 3x a week. Have for almost a year. Haven’t lost an ounce. And I’m pretty much okay with that, because I am now much more physically fit than I ever have been since I was 12.

26. Liz C

    The tune was catchy… but I’d have re-dressed a few of the costumed ladies, as the fitting of their corsets was not well-done. I’m fussy that way.

    My husband loves me, and very much admires many of my beautiful bits. If I want to dazzle him, I toss on some mascara and “Genie” eyeliner, and bat my eyes at him, and he melts. Can’t withstand the baby blues! If I want him to giggle, I “wave” my adorably cute toes at him (yes, I can wave my toes… ) and then he gives me a foot rub. I do believe that he finds many parts of me, including my personality and my love for him, truly beautiful.

    But I also know that he loves ALL of me when I’m fit. And “fit”–I’m still a Big Girl. I just cease to be a Fat Girl, and switch over to Hot Curvy Girl.

    And you know, being his Hot Curvy Girl is just another reason to stop being a Fat Girl. I want to be fit for myself, but the bonus for him is lovely. I can recognize portions of my physical form and large portions of my inside self as “beautiful,” but it’s going to take making it back to FIT to feel beautiful on the outside, too.

27. jessica

    Due to having a baby 8 months ago and the Depo shot, i am now 25 lbs. heavier than i was 2 years ago, and it’s not good. My 5-year-old niece actually made a comment last week “Aunt Jessica, why does your stomach stick out so much?” that was pretty devastating to me. i’m not even technically overweight, though i’m within 5 lbs of it, and am just having a pretty hard time. It annoys me that the size 8-10 girls on America’s Next Top Model are being advertised as “plus-size”. It seems like the media exists to make us feel like we’re not good enough the way we are. i’m tired of it! Because how much more giving are you than that skinny girl? How many more meaningful, lasting relationships do you have than the model who wears all the best clothes? and we’re the inferior ones. i’m so tired of it. i love your blog, by the way. i love a HUMAN blog.

28. Trena

    While I will agree to a certain extent that I don’t feel my most beautiful (more along the lines of frumpy) when I’ve been tipping the scale at more than I should be (not excessive though–just the usual 20-odd extra pounds that alot of people have), I think that alot of the negative thoughts that I have about how I look at that weight are more from what I’m comparing myself to (i.e. what the media and the world in general tells me I should look like) than how I truly feel about myself. I’m not a small girl, in that I’m almost 5′ 7″ and if my weight gets below 150, I truly do look unhealthy. However, my BMI says that I should, for my height, weigh in the neighborhood of 135 which is unlikely to ever happen in this lifetime–and I’m okay with that. While I’ve made my peace with the fact that I wasn’t meant to ever wear a size 2, I think I can still rock it at a size 16 as well.
    We just need to stop listening to the media and believing that what someone else tells us is how it should be (and I’m not advocating a free for all and no accountability here either). I really think if we took the time to listen to our bodies and found where we were comfortable (which is a different place for everyone, regardless of size) and felt beautiful, we’d all feel better about ourselves and not so hung up over the numbers on the scale. Life is too wonderful and too short to beat yourself up over your insecurities. While you may not be what size/where you want to be currently weight-wise, what matters is that you are making a conscious effort to change.

29. MR. OMSH

    This is one of those occasions where I wished I had my own blog. I could type volumes.

    One observation though (from the second ‘male’ opinion here)–and I am not trying to be critical or ugly about this: all of the responses so far have come from a really humanistic approach. Anybody else out there hold a different view (not opinion)?

30. OMSH

    I’m purposely quiet in the comments on my Monday posts for two reasons. One, THIS IS my struggle - my lifelong struggle and so Monday posts are always well considered and written as an outward working of this struggle. Two, hearing all your voices ringing in is literally music to my ears. Some of it is harsh and clangs. Some of it is soft and weepy. Some of it is the foundation to the song.

    I cry at your responses. I laugh at your responses. I ponder your responses. Sometimes I read them 2 or 3 times so as not to miss any little thing.

    I think my weight and my recent fight with depression walk hand in hand. I’m trying to figure this all out.

    I’m thankful that the two amazing men in my life often ring in on this blog; my husband and my dad. Mainstays they are - I am so blessed.

31. Mrs. Wilson

    Wow. Your dad and Mr. OMSH are wise men. I believe that there is inner beauty and outer beauty. I’ve learned that sometimes people have one, sometimes people have both, rarely people have neither. A woman can be drop dead gorgeous on the outside, but can be a bitter cynical woman on the inside.

    Beauty in the eyes of God? A woman who serves Him and loves Him with her whole heart. Everyone has some area of their life that they struggle with (otherwise we would not be human). Overweight woman just carry that burden on the outside - unfortunately it’s more visible than, say, a person’s sexual addiction or gossiping addiction.

    OMSH, I’ve only ever seen pics of your face! But, it’s a beautiful face. YOU are beautiful.

32. Mrs. Wilson

    Oh, and you’re beautiful on the inside too! You’re an inspiration.

33. mothergoosemouse

    I agree with your last few sentences wholeheartedly, and I extend them to all destructive behavior - that which harms our physical, mental, or emotional health.

    I think we all exhibit some sort of destructive behavior to one degree or another. We need encouragement to change that behavior, not more justifications for it.

34. Deanna (domestic chicky)

    OMSH, you are indeed a fortunate woman…I am blessed to have a husband who thinks I am gorgeous at the size 18 I was when we met, to the 20-something I am now. I didn’t mean to imply that you can’t be beautiful at any weight,but sometimes it is hard to be content when you know that your health and self-esteem could be better at a lower weight.

35. Meg

    OMSH, you are truly blessed to have those wonderful men in your life! They, and we, obviously want only the best for you. Everyone wishes you happiness and hopes for you to be unburdened by this “weight” (figurative, because there is “figurative” weight here). Hang in there and count your blessings. You rock sister!

36. Neil

    As silly as this video is, I think it is important to have it out there. I’m going to slightly disagree with Bossy and others and suggest that self-image is everthing. There is no way anyone is strong enough to completely overcome the cultural images out there of what is considered the norm. People need to push and complain a little more. We all know from looking at paintings that the image of the ideal man and woman have changed throughout history. Today’s skinny woman would be considered ugly in the 17th Century. That’s why if there were more positive, sexy images of women over a size 4 in the media, both women… and men… would appreciate different bodies in positive ways. I think most men actually prefer curvy women, but the media is constantly bombarding us with images of skinny women as chic and fashionable. Women are even harder on each other.

    My wife is size 14-16, and it is difficult to even find sexy clothes for her. At our local Macy’s, they still hide away the “big size” clothes on the top floor, next to the restrooms and gift wrapping. With most women in America those sizes, there should be more complaining. Men would never let them get away with this.

37. coolbeans

    I felt my most beautiful, healthy, comfortable, sexy when I was a size 18. I would hate to think that someone would look at me at that size and think I’m the walking definition of self-loathing and “lack of discipline”. The problem is, people DO think that. That’s why people speak out with things like “Fat Rant”.

    Speaking to this particular video: The first thing I thought of was “Fat Bottom Girls”. Mika has been compared to or reminded people of Freddie Mercury. I see this as a tribute to Mr. Mercury or a “ha-ha funny, people think I sound like Freddie.”

    Also, it struck me that I didn’t think the girls dancing behind him through most of the video were really all that fat.

38. coolbeans

    Good grief. Your dad made me cry.

39. Amanda

    Bossy has it right. Beauty always comes from inside, no matter what. It’s funny because even at 300 pounds, I never had even an ounce of the self-loathing I read other women talk about on their blogs. I would even go so far as to say that I probably got as fat as I did BECAUSE of my self-confidence. Being fat just never really damaged my self-esteem enough for me to care that much about it.

    One of the big lessons I’ve learned from losing 100+ pounds is that you can lose all the weight in the world and you’ll still have the EXACT SAME BODY. It’s just a size, so whatever you hate about yourself in a size 20, you’ll hate just as much in a size 10. Losing weight doesn’t mean you’ll become a supermodel with a flat stomach. It just means you’ll be the same you in smaller pants. Perfection is a myth, so no matter what size you are, you HAVE TO learn to love yourself. Then beauty is effortless.

40. Farmgirl

    Oh your dad is such a sweetheart! My dad died last year and that post just made me weep. My dad was sweet like that, putting everything into perspective, always steady. I am struggling these days too, people I love are dying and have died, my vice grip on life has proven itself to be futile, its a hard thing to realize after 35 years of thinking I’m in control. My boys are sick too and I can’t be everything all the time, everyday life is getting overwhelming and last night I zoned out and dove into a bag of chips. That is my life OMSH and thank you for giving me a little break in my day to come read about yours. My daddy is gone, give yours a hug for me k?

41. comfortablycrazy

    AMEN!! Hallelujah!!!

    Shawn says he likes me the way I am. I say phooey, I don’t like me the way I am, and I know you’re just trying to make me feel better. But you can’t because I’m fat, so there. (Tongue sticking out.)

    But on the other end, Shawn is overweight and while he doesn’t look that great without a shirt on, it doesn’t make him any less handsome in my eyes. But I do want him to lose the weight, more for health reasons than looks (not that looking good is bad). Heart attacks run in his family along with diabetes and obesity. This is my main concern.

    Thank you for being so honest.

42. Serene and Not Herd

    Your dad, your husband, and Niel all make great points about this video and this issue. Here are my thoughts as the fourth male.
    1.
    The video carries an almost mocking tone, which I find offensive. The other men all look unconvinced, the singer looks and sounds flippant, and the women are dressed to emphasize their size, not their beauty.

    2.
    I much prefer women with curves. Fashion models and other women in the public camera are A) disturbingly thin and probably unhealthy B) often digitally altered, so you cannot believe what you see. A woman should look like a woman, not a teenage boy.

    3.
    My wife asks me to shop with her for her clothes for two reasons - A) her mother taught her to dress like a tent and hide everything, which is wrong. I help her find things that are sexy and flattering. B) I make it clear that it is the fashion industry, and not her body that makes it so hard to find flattering clothes, so she doesn’t leave so downtrodden.

    Women need to speak out and spend their dollar to express their outrage at women’s clothing. Like Niel said, there’s no way that men would put up with such difficulty at finding clothes that fit and look good. My wife and I gladly pay the extra money to go to Lane Bryant and Coldwater Creek for her clothes because they make nice clothes in her sizes.

    Lose weight for your health, if you choose to, but not for society. Smart men know real women got curves.

43. Serene and Not Herd

    comfortablycrazy,
    It may be hard to accept what your Shawn tells you, but my guess is he’s being honest. You should believe what your loving partner believes, and not what society tells you.

    It’s fine if you aren’t satisfied for you, but be sure it’s really for you and not ‘the world’.

    The most important opinion in the world, some would say the only one that matters, is the man that loves you.

44. janjanmom

    We are the daughters of a King, no matter what our size is. He loves us. He expects us to live up to our royalty, yet gives us grace when we don’t quite make it. However, gluttony, the reason for my extra weight, is sin. To say that sin is OK or is acceptable would be very wrong in my opinion.

45. Serene and Not Herd

    JanJanMom
    Gluttony can be the sin of the skinny as well as the overweight, possibly more often, hence the guilt and purging.

    Don’t assume that everyone’s weight problem is based in gluttony. Some have medical factors, genetic predisposition to gaining weight.

    I am a man of faith in a loving and merciful God, and I find your implication that fat people are sinners prideful and judgemental.

    May God judge our hearts, and not our waistlines!

46. Melissa

    OMSH-just had to come out of lurkdom for this one. And what a great father you have (I have a wonderful one, too!)

    This video? I don’t know. I guess it could be a little degrading especially given the shots of the onlookers. Does it bother me as a big girl? Nah.

    To answer Mr. OMSH

    Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

    Reading Proverbs 31, I find where a worthy woman “works with willing hands”, “opens her hands to the poor”, “strength and dignity are her clothing”. I could go on and on about what Proverbs says about a woman whose price is above rubies. For those of us serving God, I believe that it’s the blueprint for what we strive to be as wives, mothers, women in the community, servants of God. Not once does it tell us what the Worthy Woman looked like. Does God care? No. Being overweight (and healthy! I don’t believe it’s an oxymoron) doesn’t make me any less worthy of the sacrifice of Christ or the glory of heaven. And that helps when I’m having a down day about my belly that sticks out, or my thighs that aren’t as small as they once were. I know this is the body that God gave me, and I’m going to use it to “consider a field and buy it” or “provide food for my household”.

    Did I answer any questions? Did this make any sense? Oye…One of my first comments on a blog and it’s probably irrelevant!

    Melissa

47. OMSH

    Melissa - I’m certain Mr. OMSH would applaud your answer. It speaks to my heart in a way only God’s Word can.

    I will agree with janjanmom that being overweight is not treating our body as it should be treated (bearing medical conditions - as I stated above). We are to be a holy and living sacrifice. And no, I’m not talking about tossing myself up on an altar either (for those who may fear I’m turning to self-mutilation now).

    comfortablycrazy - I bet he is attracted to you. I think you’d be able to tell if not. I think women know - we can feel it in their touch, see it in their eyes, hear it in their voice.

    Oh my, I could go back and comment on each one, but seriously, I am so glad we’re all having this discussion.

    It is IMPORTANT - this conversation. It is causing a division in our society and in ourselves (some of us - not all of us, I realize). It is very important.

48. Serene and Not Herd

    I would also like to point out that society’s perception of beauty changes, and is often related to things like wealth and power.

    For example during the Middle Ages and Rennaisance, pale and voluptuous women were considered beautiful, largely because pale and well-fed meant wealthy and not required to labor in the sun.

    In the 20’s women emulated the short, cropped hair and petite figures of the leaders of Women’s Suffrage movement.

    In the 70’s, long hair and not shaving were seen as embracing nature and self-love in both men and women.

    Today, obesity is actually more related to poverty than wealth, thanks to cheap, fatty foods. Fitness is connected to the rich and famous because of their personal trainers, home gyms, and live-in chefs.

    It’s good to be aware of WHY society has the values it does, but doesn’t mean we have to agree.

49. jen

    I’m a skinny little girl, so I’ve no business saying jack. I know this. Big is beautiful, skinny is beautiful, black is beautiful, gay is beautiful (the singer of the above song is supposedly gay, btw), straight is beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?
    But, health is health, too. Just like thin doesnt necessarily mean healthy, big doesn’t necessarily mean UNhealthy.
    And as far as giving glory to God…We are created in the likeness of our Father. The Holy Spirit lives in our hearts, and I believe we should house the Holy Spirit comfortably, and Healthily!

50. janjanmom

    Hey Serene and Not Herd-I qualified that statement-I said “gluttony, the reason for MY extra weight is sin” That was not a blanket indictment. Your extra weight is between you and God. It is an indictment for me, God has convicted me gently that food is an addiction for me.

    If you have prayerfully searched your soul and found that being obese is genetics or due to a health problem-rest easy.

    Sometimes overweight people blame their thyroid not the dozen cookies and three trips to the buffet line. I have a thyroid problem myself, it is still my gluttony making me fat, not my thyroid.

    I’m try really hard to deal with the plank in my own eye, not the speck in someone else’s. My plank is food.

51. Serene and Not Herd

    JanJanMom,
    It was difficult to tell if you truly meant just ‘I’. At first it sounded so, but then it sounded accusitory.
    I am not actually obese. Sure, I’ve got a few extra pounds, as my metabolism has slowed down a bit. But my wife struggles with her weight, and more importantly how others make her feel about her weight.
    As her husband, and as a man who finds curvy women attractive, it is my honor to protect them from a society that labels, blames and derides.
    My apologies if I came across harshly, but I’ve taken OMSH and others like her into my heart, and I won’t stand by idly while anyone attempts to make them feel guilty about their weight. That’s between themselves and God.
    And though I am a believer, I am also overly sensitive to those that use God’s word as a cover for their own bigotry. I see that I missed judged, I am sorry for that, forgive me.
    I hope that God will grant you great strength to overcome your food problem.
    Aaron

52. Amy

    I just have to say that I love this song and I adore Mika & his music. Mika (I wasn’t sure if it had been mentioned here) is gay so big girls probably aren’t his preference :) He probably just thinks women are too obsessed with weight and that he appreciates beauty no matter what your size.

    Great discussion!!